Junk Drunk Food Gourmet: Your Guide to Late-Night Snacking

Whilst living the life of a broke-ass college student for what felt (to me) like a gazillion years, my fiancé came up with the idea of Junk Drunk Food Gourmet. Think: your college pantry fancied up in a way only way too many games of survivor flip cup can fashion (the full idea involved an inebriated sketch comedy/cooking Web series called the Faux Sho', but I'll leave that to your imagination).

One night, Dave and his roommate looked in their fridge, only to find a half eaten jar of Prego, Tyson Chicken Nuggets and Polly-O String Cheese. In a magical moment both desperate and ingenious, Chicken Nugget Parms were born. They became a late-night favorite of the boys...and I may or may not have been convinced to bake them at 2 a.m. as recently as last weekend.

The nugget parms weren't the only brilliance to come out of that glorious apartment in Boston. Check out another original and some more Faux Sho'-inspired late night snacks.

French Funyun Soup *A Faux Sho' original

That's right -- it's your favorite stoner snack: the onion-flavored corn rings dubbed "Funyuns," popped right into the middle of your other favorite stoner snack, a beef-flavored Cup-O-Noodle. Top it with a slice of Swiss and stick that baby in the microwave. Does it taste like French Onion Soup? Hell no! Will it finally quench your insatiable munchies? Probably not. But are you so effed up you don't care? YEP!


This mess stroke of genius belongs to a fan of the one and only Chef Boyardee. Spice up a lowly can of Beefaroni with kidney and pinto beans, fire roasted tomato sauce, cumin and chili powder. I say while you're at it, you might as well go balls-to-the-wall and top it with shredded cheese, sour cream and Tostitos, too. *Honorable mention goes to Beef Chow Mein-aroni (cringe)


This is not what it looks like, I swear. I'm talking a Beef Jerky, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich. Just toast up a few slices of whole wheat bread (since we're watching our figures, of course) and slap on some jerky, l+t and mayo. Sure, it may be hard to chew, but you're drunk so it's hard to function anyway.

Spicy Peanut Ramen

We got a no-brainer here, people. If you're in college, you have peanut butter and you most certainly have ramen (my roommate legitimately toted an unopened Sam's Club value-pack around campus for four years, all the way from our freshman dorm to our off-campus animal house senior year). Toss cooked and drained noodles with a bit of water, chunky peanut butter, soy sauce and Sriracha and voilà! If you're feeling saucy and you have it on hand, add some fish sauce to the mix.

Huevos Ranch Doritos A junk-food take on the classic Huevos Rancheros, this dish tops a bed of Ranch Doritos with fried eggs, canned black beans, salsa, hot sauce and sliced avocado (for all you fancy bitches).

And finally, for dessert...


This one makes me laugh because it's fucking ridiculous. Layer Cool Whip, Twinkies drizzled with coffee (or dark rum!), and chocolate pudding in a dish. Repeat with one more layer of drizzled Twinkies and top with a dollop of of Cool Whip and cocoa powder. Mangia!

How about you? Have you guys gotten creative late night? What are your go-to gourmet junk drunk foods?

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Brooke Viggiano is a contributing writer who is always looking to share Houston's coolest and tastiest happenings with the Houston Press readers.
Contact: Brooke Viggiano