We set out into the night to get some tasty snacks and a few more drinks. We were in the neighborhood of Oporto Cafe and thought a martini and some tapas sounded awesome. The straight-laced waitress informed us the kitchen closed at 10 p.m. It was 10:15 p.m. We even pulled the Houston Press blogger card ( which we never do), but that didn't even work.

Let's get this straight. You're a European-style wine bar, you serve booze all night long, but just when people most need something to soak up the alcohol (i.e. between the hours of ten and two), you stop serving food. Not even bread and cheese? That's lame. We downed our martini and headed for a bar that understands the importance of food at this hour. A pub!

Not too far from Oporto is The Richmond Arms, which has amazingly greasy British burgers and a great selection of beers on tap. We got there and ordered an Ace Cider and asked to see a menu...strike two. Turns out the kitchen closes at 10 p.m. on Wednesdays. How utterly British. Once again we chugged our drinks, then went on to plan C.

Enough. We headed over to Whataburger for a No. 5 with jalapeños and took it to Little Woodrows in the Rice Village to eat, washing it down with some Big Ass Lone Stars. Whataburger, that beacon in the night...if it only served beer! What if Whataburger served Lone Star? Wow...