Must You Do That? A Simple List of Manners

Dining out is something we all love to do. I would have a hard time imagining the reader of this blog who is an exception.

My manners, at least when I'm at home, fly pretty fast and loose. Get it? I fart at the table. So what, who cares? When I'm in public, though, I tend to try to turn up the etiquette just ever so slightly.

Things like chewing with your mouth completely full of food whilst simultaneously pontificating upon Darfur is off-color in every possible way. I only say this because I once saw a guy doing this at a Quizno's, and I thought the same thing you are thinking right now: Quizno's sucks. You are right. Also: That guy is a fucking asshole. Also right.

There are very simple things you can do to avoid affronting the finer sentiments of your dining companions or host. Here is an easy list of five things you can do to stay off everybody's shit list when dining out.

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Sam Brown