Fast Times

Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust Pizza: UK Edition

Well, damn, I should have waited to blog about five British food traditions to embrace, because clearly a front-runner has emerged.

Eh, perhaps not.

For some inscrutable reason, Pizza Hut has chosen to offer its new Pizza Hut hot dog-stuffed crust pizza exclusively in the UK. Aren't British people supposed to be, like, more sophisticated than us?

Maybe this decision was based on the relative popularity of sausage rolls in England, but to me this creation screams "American hick."

Not that the idea of a hot dog wrapped in dough is necessarily indefensible or unappetizing. I'm certainly not against food en croute, including processed meat. For example, I've snuggled kosher links in crescent dough for Halloween "mummy dogs."

But why the hell has this shown up in a pizza? And why just in England, Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland? Even the Irish, a people not particularly known for their culinary prowess, God bless them, must have known better than to welcome this monstrosity.

Okay, perhaps "monstrosity" is too strong a classification for a food I haven't tasted. I'm casting aspersions purely based on the idea of shoving links of highly processed, sodium-laden meat into an already mediocre, also over-salted pizza pie. Admittedly, when I've tried Pizza Hut's cheese stuffed-crust pizza, I've liked it okay. But, then again, those times I was 1) 13 or 2) drunk.

Readers, if you've recently tried the new hot dog stuffed crust pizza in the UK, please weigh in with your thoughts. Perhaps the combination of dogs, mozzarella, dough, tomato sauce, and a "free mustard drizzle" is indeed magical.

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Joanna O'Leary