"The best things in life are free, so let your mind and soul be free. Only you can hold yourself back." I was reading that piece of bathroom graffiti at The Next Door (2020 Waugh, 713-520-1712), head twisted toward the wall behind me, when I realized I was nearly pissing on my shoes. But that wasn't so bad, considering the shot Punk Rock Jeff had just made me. "It's called a Bend Me Over," he said as he strained what looked like watered-down cough syrup into two plastic cups. "It'll sneak up on you and hammer you into the ground." Maybe I didn't get hammered, but points for the close call. I made it out of the bathroom and through a couple of packs of young drinkers who seemed like they either didn't have work in the morning or didn't care. On the patio, you could still hear the Geto Boys' old-school ode to paranoia, "Mind Playing Tricks on Me," coming from the traditional (non-Internet) jukebox. I sat with a reporter friend who was dragging on a menthol and talking about covering a recent homicide, just one of the nearly 100 that Houston has already notched this year. So next time you feel like getting inspirational on a bathroom wall, cut the yearbook crap and try something simpler. "Remember that things could always be worse. Also, don't piss on your shoes."

1/4 ounce Southern Comfort liqueur

1/4 ounce Absolut vodka

1/4 ounce blue Curaçao liqueur

1/4 ounce Midori Melon liqueur

Splash of cranberry juice

Shake over ice and strain into a plastic cup. Or a shot glass, if you're feeling fancy.

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