Ever find that it's "simply impossible to settle on one protein to craft a burger?" ...Me neither.
But if you have faced that problem, have no fear! Top Chef All-Stars winner Richard Blais and the Web channel Tasted have teamed up to solve all of your single-meated-burger problems.
The solution "starts with the letter T...and ends with URDUCKEN."
My friends, allow me to introduce you to the Turducken Burger:
Now that Blais has "solved" this major "conundrum" in our lives (thank God!), you'd think all would be fine and dandy, right? Wrong.
You see, we here at Eating...Our Words don't like to rest on our (or okay, really Blais's) laurels, so we've come up with a few epic burgers of our own.
Here are 5 Ridiculous Burgers That We'd Love to See Become a Reality:
5. The Fried Chicken & Waffles Burger
We all know and love chicken and waffles, so why not ditch the fork and knife and turn the whole shebang into an epic burger, amiright?
Imagine this: bacon-and-syrup-infused waffles stuffed with a buttermilk-soaked, tender and spicy fried chicken breast, sliced apples, shredded cheddar cheese, and more bacon -- just for good measure.
We suggest serving the burger with a vat of maple syrup, taking it all down with a tall glass of whiskey, then calling the nearest hospital.
4. The Ultimate Breakfast Burger
This little guy takes an egg-topped burger to a whole new level.
First, we'd stuff a ground beef patty with links of bacon-wrapped breakfast sausage and some chopped-up Canadian bacon. Then we'd grill it, melt on a couple of slices of nutty gruyère, and top it with a schmear of fig jam and a sunny-side up egg.
And obviously, we'd serve it all inside a bun made out of a glazed doughnut...obviously.
3. The Floucrabacop Burger
Okay, so the name Floucrabacop may be the worst homage to Turducken ever, but this seafood burger will (probably?) not be.
We're not just talking about a boring filet-o-fish sandwich here. No, our Floucrabacop "burger" would start with a bacon-wrapped scallop gently nestled inside a lump crab cake, which would then be not-so-gently nestled inside a filet of flounder. To finish, we'd throw that entire baby into a beer batter and deep-fry the shit out of it.
For serving? A slather of tartar sauce, a pile of fresh-cut french fries and a buttered and grilled poppy seed bun. NBD.
2. The Lasagna Burger
Because why not at this point, right?
We'd fashion the "buns" out of woven sheets of lasagna that we'd then coat in bread crumbs and deep-fry (obvi). Next, we'd make our stuffing -- a mixture of egg, ricotta and parmesan cheese, chopped fresh parsley, minced mushrooms and crumbled hot Italian sausage -- and load it into the middle of a well-seasoned ground beef patty.
To complete our masterpiece, we'd grill it, top it with shredded mozzarella and spicy marinara, and broil it until golden brown and bubbly.
Tell us you don't want this burger right now, go on.
1. The Poor Man's Turducken
We say this is a poor man's burger because nearly all of the ingredients can be found at a gas station.
We'd start with some microwaved White Castle cheeseburgers, remove the buns, and stack and line the sliders up to form a big, thick patty. Next we'd take Nacho & Cheese Lunchables and spread the cheese dip and salsa over the top. Then crush up the leftover nachos and sprinkle those on top, too -- because, we mean, why not?
Now the burger probably needs some more meat, right? So a little sprinkling of chipped beef jerky couldn't hurt.
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And the buns? You don't even want to know what we're thinking for the buns. Hot Pocket Philly cheese steaks, anyone? You'll need two -- one for the top bun and one for the bottom.
...and so the Poor Man's Turducken Burger was born. You're welcome...
Anyone up for trying these at home? Bonus points if you record video of yourself eating the burger set to the Rocky soundtrack.
What kind of burgers would you like to see? Dream big, friends, dream big...