Ahh, the holidays. Time for roasted turkey and jingle bells and homemade pies and sriracha candy canes and...wait, what? We're pretty horrified about some of the limited-edition holiday products that have hit the shelves (remember Jones Soda's 2004 Turkey & Gravy Soda, anyone?).
But do you know what's even more horrifying? The fact that we kind of want to try some of them.
Check out these 5 Oddly Alluring Holiday Treats:
5. Sriracha Candy Canes
Thanks to J&D's Foods, the Seattle-based company that brought the world the wonders of sriracha popcorn and bacon deodorant, you can now continue to "trick or treat" people long after Halloween. The sriracha-spiced treats look just like regular candy canes, but you'll know the truth. We suggest dangling the innocent-looking candies right on your Christmas tree, inviting the neighbors over and just seeing what happens from there. That'll teach that bastard next door to stop taking things without asking.
Also, we should warn you (as J&D's Foods did on their Web site): "Under no circumstances should you crush these into a fine powder and inhale them up your nose." Thanks, J&D.
4. Pecan Pie Pringles
With last year's limited-edition White Chocolate Peppermint and Pumpkin Pie Spice chips and this year's Pecan Pie flavor, we're pretty sure Kellogg's Pringles Group is being run exclusively by a 15-year-old stoner these days. We don't even care if said stoner is making a gazillion times more money than us, because that kid is kind of a genius.
Rumor has it the pecan-pie-flavored chips taste more maple syrupy than nutty, but that's all the better to stuff into your Sausage Egg McMuffin.
Hey yo, Kellogg's! Get at us -- we've got some ideas for y'all.
3. Baskin-Robbins Turkey Cake
Because homemade pumpkin, pecan, and apple pie just aren't enough, why not try a caramel-glazed turkey cake from Baskin-Robbins? The cake, basically a mound of ice cream adorned with sugar cones and drenched in a caramel-pecan topping, can even be customized with one -- or two! - of your guest's favorite flavors.
Thank God for Baskin-Robbins. This not-at-all-disgusting-looking turkey cake will make the perfect topping for our homemade pies this Thanksgiving.
2. Roasted Turkey Doritos
We're guessing that these turkey-flavored Doritos -- shaped as Christmas trees (because why not?) and available only in Taiwan -- are actually better than they sound. Because, really, no bag of Doritos sounds particularly good. That is, until you drunkenly lock yourself out of your apartment at 3 in the morning but then remember the gas station is still open so you get a yourself bag of Doritos to tide you over until you can get in touch with a friend and it's so delicious you forget to call anyone so you pass out in front of your door and wake up the next morning with a headache and crumbs/bright orange fingerprints all over your brand-new shirt...
Like we said, the roasted turkey flavor is probably pretty tasty.
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Now if they'd only make all of our Christmas dreams come true and collaborate with Taco Bell on a Doritos Locos Roasted Turkey Taco...
1. Pizza Hut's Christmas Delight Meal
What do you want for Christmas dinner this year, Sally? What's that? You want Pizza Hut's Christmas Delight Meal? The one that includes only the most insane pie of pizza ever, the Double Sensation Pizza -- the two-pizzas-in-one where the outer crust is stuffed with three cheeses and topped with turkey, ham, peppers, mushrooms and salsa, and the inner crust is stuffed with sausage and cheese and topped with smoked chicken, zucchini, alfredo sauce and a sole cherry? Okay, sweetie. Christmas Delight Meal it is!
Sadly for Sally, and for all of us, this deal is available only in December...and in Singapore. There's always next year.