Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating...Our Words, where we're currently gathering funds together in order to put out hits on people who still spell "crawfish" as "crayfish." Seriously, you lost this one, grammar nerds. Time to let go.
Guess what? Our taste buds are beyond our control. You hear that? I've tried for years to like coffee and dark beer, but I can't, I don't and it's NOT MY DAMN FAULT. Leave me the hell alone. I swear, people who love coffee and dark beer are the worst evangelists in the world. Kirk Cameron will hand-knit his own turban, become a Sikh and fight his way to the top of their traditional gatka stick-fighting tournaments before a single Guinness-lover anywhere in the world learns to accept that I'm just not that fond of it and that's okay.
We started the week off right with some constructive criticism of one of our favorite local pizza joints, Star Pizza, and guess what happened? Was your guess, "They responded in a tasteful, gracious manner and offered a very civil explanation as to the reasons for the complaint?" Ha ha! You naive fool! You must not criticize restaurant owners much! Actually, what happened was... oh wait. No, your guess was right, they were totally awesome about it. Huh. Weird.
Those Anvil guys can certainly sling a mean cocktail, and now they've got the awards to prove it. And if you've ever been head-splittingly hungover after sampling too many of their fine creations, you can get a lovely Mediterranean hangover cure delivered to your door. Just tell them not to knock very loud, and definitely not to ring the doorbell. A doorbell during a bad hangover is like firing off a shotgun inside the biggest bell in Notre Dame cathedral.
A little while ago, everybody got into a big moral panic because lean finely-textured beef looks different than we're used to, and the panic continues, with HISD angling for a refund from a California vendor who sold them food containing the harmless if weird-looking foodstuff. I thought we were trying to be less shallow, everybody. Just because something looks bizarre and disgusting doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. Then again, sometimes that's exactly what that means.
Greek yogurt is delicious, versatile and good for you, so hurry up and eat all you can before they find out it makes your lymph nodes disintegrate or some damn thing. Fear not: You'll always have burgers. Well, always, until the environmental strain of raising billions of cattle poisons the earth, air, and water and causes us all to start dying in worldwide plagues of sickness and filth, but until then? Mmm, tasty!
And when you die and they ask, "Standard Heaven or Donut Heaven?" don't be the poor sap who says Standard Heaven, all by yourself for donutless.
City Acre Brewery and its events will be a major center of attention when they open this fall, you mark my words. Guys, you have to try their cinnamon rolls. Holy God. They would definitely be served in Donut Heaven.
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Forty vendors wait to sling food at you at iFest, and you'd be silly to resist them. And if you like events, perhaps you'd better go ahead and get in line for Wine Fair Cy Fair. It'll be great, except for the driving all the way out to Cy Fair. Then again, road trips are a great time to catch up on recent stand-up comedy albums. Seriously, it makes the time go by like a breeze.
Finally, don't forget the Haute Wheels food truck festival is coming up soon. It's gonna be a good time.