Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've spent all day in the hot sun baling whipped cream out at the cheesecake farm. With a giant spork.
Ah, spring break. In Texas, that means South By Southwest, the time of year when Houston huddles jealously in its corner by the Gulf while our more popular pal Austin gets all the attention and limelight, bitterly muttering to ourselves, "They're not so great, we're way cooler" in between crying jags. Now we know how Canada feels. We suppose you could just drive over to Austin and enjoy the festivities, such as this one, and even experience some tasty road trip must-haves on the way. What, no cherry sours? For shame.
Seriously, once you get to Austin, check these guys out. They'll tell you where to eat.
As a public service, we should also remind you to be careful what you drink this spring break. Trust us, just stick to normal beer and liquor. You don't need the bladder-busting mediocrity of malt liquor or the sugar hangover from bum wines, and that last guy? His name is Everclear. You may recognize him as the shit Jackie Chan swilled at the end of Drunken Master II that made him an ultimate fighting badass for about ten minutes, then rendered him retarded. Stay far, far away. Veer toward a Guinness milkshake or two instead.
Do the legions of immature hate-addicts on the Internet keep you up at night with the fury of their worthless, nigh-indecipherable opinions? If so, there's an excellent chance you own a restaurant. Apparently the ire of the Internet's endless supply of anonymous assholes is wreaking great havoc across the dining scene. Hopefully we can coax the skittish, delicate restaurant owners back into the kitchen to cook for us. Aw, man, we hate it when they look at us with those big, reproachful eyes. It's okay, buddy. The mean Internet people can't hurt you. Now finish your souffle.
There continues to be ample baked-goods goodness about the city; why, some of it may even come to you. We're also taking volunteers to go try this awesome-looking chicken fried steak with us. TWiD doesn't bite. Although to be fair, we do claw and spit more than is considered socially acceptable. And okay, yes, we do actually bite a little. If you wanna be a stickler, fine.
For the booze rookie in your circle of friends, try enticing the lily-livered guy or gal with infused vodka, which is currently the only way TWiD prevents scurvy. Goes great with Irish soda bread! Then again, what doesn't? Well... maybe not creamed spinach.
We've helpfully listed some great local sports-friendly bars and restaurants in which to get your March Madness on. If sports that rely on how well you sell a foul as an important part of the game piss you off as much as they do TWiD, however, then you may be better off holding a LAN party. And no, we're not scared of basketball and soccer players getting offended enough to come after us, because we know that as soon as we threw even the lightest punch, they'd drop to the ground, shriek like wounded squirrels, and roll around until a referee shows up.
Hey, don't forget, Robb Walsh is still counting down his 100 favorite Houston dishes. He's up to #76, a mac-n-cheese dish that looks so good we kinda wanna bathe in it. That also goes for this German food. How come we don't have any German-themed holidays? Their food is so much better than Ireland's, no offense, me boyos.
Did you guys have a good Amateur Night a.k.a. St. Patrick's Day? Leave your best slaloming-around-drunken-20-year-olds stories in the comments, and stay away from anyone who looks tanned and exhausted this Sunday. They're refugees from SXSW and will be mighty cranky indeed.
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