This Week in Deliciousness

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where Santa leaves coal in our stockings because we have charcoal-burning slow cookers and that's what we ask him for. It might also have to do with that time back in August when we sucker-punched a hobo.

We started the week off by noshing on some desserts that look like testicles. We did so because we are Eating Our Words, by God, and we roll harder than Chef Paul Prudhomme on roller skates gettin' shot out of a cannon on Jupiter.

Turns out a whole bunch of states Google the word "barbecue" more than Texas, probably because a) we already know where to find good barbecue, and b) we're a whole lot more likely to use the term "BBQ".

A word of caution: just because a dish is called something like "Happy Family Togetherness" doesn't mean it's going to be good. Conversely, just because something sounds really unappealing - turkey necks - doesn't mean it's going to be bad. I guess what we're saying is "Don't judge a book by its cover." Although if that's the case, then why do books have covers? With a descriptive blurb in the sleeve or on the back in most cases? Huh.

Jealous of our awesome food photography? Well, we can't blame you. We can, however, give you some helpful tips on how to make your own photography better.

Fast food chicken can be pretty damn tasty, even if it's Sunday and you can't go to popular Christian chicken vendor Chik-Fil-A. Wouldn't it be hilarious if they closed every Sunday yet stayed open for Christmas? Although thinking about it, that would pretty much just make them Jehovah's Witnesses... which really isn't all that weird... okay, never mind.

Do people still celebrate Kwanzaa? Nope, but plenty of people still say they do, so if you want to be one of those people, here's some Kwanzaa-style dishes you can whip up. It's basically soul food, so why not? As if cheese grits are ever inappropriate. Or homestyle fried chicken made in an authentic cast-iron skillet.

Dragged to someplace you'd rather not eat at? Not to worry: even the blandest chains have one or two dishes that are truly great. We would respectfully add the lemon butter crepes at IHOP to that list; it's the only reason we've never had a bad meal there, because we've never ordered anything else.

The inner loop Krogers all have nicknames, you know, or at least, they do now. We're not sure if any of our top ten new restaurants in 2010 have nicknames, but one of them did appear in the edition of GQ Magazine with Ryan Gosling on the cover, whose nickname is Baby Goose. Really.

Finally, here's how not to go into diabetic shock even though you're at a potluck dinner, although that kind of defeats the point, doesn't it? How do you even get into the Christmas spirit without eating yourself into a coma? Speaking of which, I gotta get started on this for tomorrow's Christmas dinner. I already feel drowsy. And numb in the left arm. And now my vision is going spotty.

I regret nothing. Merry Christmas!

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
John Seaborn Gray