This Week in Deliciousness

Welcome back to the weekly round-up here at Eating Our Words, where we hide the cat's allergy medicine in only the finest Muenster cheese, AND THE LITTLE BASTARD STILL WON'T EAT IT.

As many of you are no doubt aware, Houston's weather has been as mercurial and flighty as that chick from those awful vampire novels, switching back and forth from sexy, pale, brooding cold weather to sexy, tan, shirtless hot weather. So pretty much everybody is now sick, which means we felt obliged to start the week off with the top five chicken soups. If you ask us, the sodium helps fight off the illness.

As far as tasty, cheap eats go, it's difficult to beat good banh mi. You can also try some sriracha sauce, Monterey jack cheese, and shiitake mushrooms. The extra "i" stands for "is not a bad word." If you're too poor to afford even that, good news: You can enhance your culinary experiences simply by analyzing the astrological patterns of made-up space monsters! Especially if you've got an educated, refined palate for New Age horseshit.

Speaking of horseshit, we've seen this stupid-ass "Not For Girls!" candy bar hiding amongst the typically outstanding English chocolates at our grocery store, and have always wondered if it's any better than its nakedly retarded advertising campaign. Read the article to find out, but don't get your hopes up.

After a jaunt down the barbecue trail, we went out in search of the local mobile cupcake vendor. Yet another reason for TWiD to move back to the Heights. Then we cooled off with some refreshing cocktails: the incredibly tasty French 75 and the goofy Stephanie's Panties, the latter of which is probably best enjoyed with a "No Girls Allowed!" candy bar while at a mixed martial arts event.

The Shameless Chef charred surprisingly few emergency donuts, and Suneeta Vaswani offered some helpful tips on enjoying Indian food. One she left out: avoid the buffets. That should be pretty obvious.

Don't forget: Robb Walsh is still counting down his favorite Houston dishes, and he's already down to Crazy 88. His organic garden is going gangbusters, as well. Damn, that's a lot of radishes.

We participated in a celebrity goat-milking contest, because thankfully the folks at Houston's Livestock Show and Rodeo have a very, very loose definition of the term "celebrity." We're also looking forward to serving a whole bunch of swanky snacks and drinks to the guests at our Academy Awards party, and we may even finish one or two dishes before we change the channel to something we even vaguely care about, like bass fishing or topiary sculpting.

Eating Our Words is proud to introduce our application for finding your local happy hour! Yes, it works for Android. Another blessing modern techonology hath wrought: PIG WINGS! Hell. Yes. Pig wings ft-mothaluvin'-w.

Becky Means may think she's the bees knees with her top 5 fried foods available at the Rodeo, but we're doing her one better: some time this week, TWiD will go to the rodeo and TRY THEM ALL. Yes. Every single unusual fried food will be sampled. Pray for us. Pray hard. Not that you even have to go to the Rodeo to get inappropriately fried ridiculousness, it just all seems to be concentrated there.

Samosas slugged it out in this week's Food Fight, and all kinds of different stuff competed at the Gold Buckle Foodie Awards. Finally, today is Absinthe Day, so go out, buy the most expensive, highest-thujone-content absinthe you can find, come home, prepare it just right, and get ready to be hugely, hugely disappointed. If you're looking to hallucinate, kids, shrooms are way cheaper and way more effective. The more you know!

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John Seaborn Gray