Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've almost finished constructing our 1700-layer cake in MineCraft. We started this week off right with some fried chicken coated in a buttery Cap'N Crunch batter. Pardon the tears. TWiD is just so damn happy right now.
The debate on what is or isn't "true" Texas chili rages on, but one thing most of us seem to agree on is that them out-of-staters can take their beans someplace the hell else. Beans in chili are just fine for vegetarians. For everyone else, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
The debate has also been pretty fierce as to what separates Texas food from "Southern" food, with the prevailing theory being that Texans are pretty much the farthest eastern state to appreciate spiciness. Our fellow former Confederates go too heavy on the brown sugar, and too light on the green chile peppers.
Some local folks are trying out farming for Swedes, so best of luck to them. We didn't even know you could grow Swedes in this climate. We were pretty sure that Chocolate Bar could serve us some tasty cake, so we gave them a second chance after a slight disappointment, one that was most certainly not repeated. But still: $10 for a slice of cake? What do they use in the batter, condor eggs?
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What would be the healthiest - yet most disgusting - foods you could put into a vending machine? We had some ideas, and thank God none of them actually exist. Oh, except for our #1 choice, which of course is a real thing in Japan. Oh, Japan. You so unsettlingly batshit crazy. But wait: you can wipe those nightmares right off your brain with some dessert recipes from some of Houston's best restaurants. There you have it: equally good for stuffing stockings and faces.
Our Battle Tortilla Soup hopefully served to remind some cooks that first and foremost, you gotta have good broth. That's why we're teaming with the former singer of Van Halen to open a chain of soup joints called David Lee Broth. You'll run with the Devil all the way to Panama to jump into a bowl!™
We'd also like to remind you to Go Texan, and to go to the camera shop and buy a decent flash before you try photographing food again. "Beige glop" is not an appetizing theme, unless it's chicken 'n' dumplin's.
Think you can bring the food-related funny harder than TWiD just did? Fat chance, but you're welcome to try. Step up, youngblood.