Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've decided to postpone our Eating Our Words George Bush Park Barbecue, Fireworks, and Oily Rags Extravaganza until further notice. We know, we were looking forward to the Roman candle fights, too, but such is life.
We started the week off right with some good news: at long last, you can wrap your lips around a 10-year-old Saturday Night Live sketch, because ladies and gentlemen, Ben & Jerry's Schweddy Balls are here! Not to be outdone, ice cream ripoff artists Breyers will shortly be releasing their own "Moyscht Testicles" flavor. Salty? You bet! And just a little mushroomy.
This week's installment of Absolute and Total Bugfuck Idiocy comes from Petrol Station, where an employee thought it would be funny to draw a little 9/11 cartoon onto the take-home container of a Muslim customer. Witty. Luckily, civility has prevailed; the employee was fired, the owner apologized, and the customer accepted the apology and all parties appear to be moving on. This makes me wonder what Petrol Station's application is going to look like in a few weeks. "Please rate the following racist jokes from 1 to 10, with 1 being utterly unacceptable and 10 being hilarious and to be shared with all." (Hint: you have to rate them all "1".)
In more encouraging news, several Houston businesses are helping to support our firefighters and bring aid to our wildfire victims, which is good, because it looks like all of Texas is going to burst into flame pretty soon, so hopefully what goes around comes around. Seriously, can we please get some god damned rain? Just a little? Please?
Vegan Mexican food? Dry pho? Gin and tonic, of all things? Yes, we were certainly all about the weirdness this week, but not to worry, we also included some normal stuff for the unadventurous... you know, run-of-the-mill, pedestrian fare like salmon on pizza.
Dublin Dr Pepper needs your help before it's crushed under the heel of its corporate masters, and even though there's probably not a damn thing any of us can do about this unless we've got the cash to buy off several politicians, what the heck, let's give it a shot, yes? Might as well enjoy the stuff while it's here.
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We continued our in-depth look into ike jime this week with a four-part series, and hopefully these sushi chefs will be able to properly murder their fish right here in Houston real soon. Ike jime looks pretty complicated, but not as complicated as making proper toast.
Finally, it's time to inspect your cupboard and find out if you've somehow become a soccer mom without knowing. Aside from these five items' presence, symptoms include pleated, acid-washed high-rise jeans, tasteful vests over sensible sweaters, and an all-consuming, boiling resentment for all things youthful, humorous, or sexy.