Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've already got our watermelons, blunderbusses, speedboat with depth finder, and free-range chickens for our upcoming Mother's Day celebration. Hey. You keep Mother's Day in your own way and let us keep it in ours.
We started off the week by buying $13 worth of lettuce at Salata, then moved on to some artisinal chocolates, which, at $2 apiece, had better be emblazoned with gilded lettering that says "Fuck you, poor people." We're just having a little good-natured fun. Arayan chocolates are the purest, most undiluted chocolates around... a "master race" of chocolates, as it were.
Sammiches. You know we like 'em. We're also fond of apple butter, not to mention big fans of what they've got going on over at Anvil. Apparently not big enough fans for half the folks in the comments section here, however. Still, it seems like things ended on a nice note when Anvil's Bobby Heugel accepted an invitation from a fella named "Dan" to put a Hi-Def Golden Tee machine in his establishment. That's what it looks like from here, anyway.
After some sippin' and strollin' (little-known early Snoop Dogg single?), we checked out Gravitas to see how the transition is going. Things seem to be going pretty well over there, which is more than we can say for the cheese factories in Nicaragua, which have been exporting staph-infected cheese. We don't want to know how cheese gets infected with staph. It was bad enough when someone pooped on all the tomatoes a couple years back. You don't get jokes about shitty tomatoes and blood infections on most food blogs, now do ya? That's what makes us special! Oh, settle down and have some chocolate meringue pie. Or maybe some Dump Cake.
KFC's new Double Down sandwich isn't one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as some have claimed, instead being far more calorically sound than many fast food dishes they try to tell you are healthy. As far as weird snacks go, there are some pretty bold selections in this article, an article that for some reason mentions neither pregnancy nor pot, both of which had to be involved in the creation of these bizarre clustersnacks.
Our Food Fight this week was a tough one, as any contest involving biscuits and gravy should be. Our epic chronicling of the great Mint Julep continued unabated, and we investigated the happy hour scene at The Tavern. Their Big Buck Safari reminds us of the time we took out a 6-point buck with nothing but a knife and a lead pipe. Sure, our friends accused us of going on a "canned hunt"; we say, what's the point of having a zoo if not to go after some unique game, anyway? MAN, was that Thompson's Gazelle ever surprised!
Why are there always non-Asian dishes at Asian food buffets? Are Sino-Japa-Viet-Thai-Korean dishes really that exotic anymore? Hell, General Tso's chicken is so American they should serve it at the ball game. They probably didn't have any at Big Bite Night or at any of the East End's 10 best food joints, but we're sure that's not to their detriment.
Finally: May is National Hamburger Month. Oh. Hell. Yes. Hamburgers + the end of the school year = TWiD's childhood heaven. Ahhh. Now we're all wistful. Time to jam some Tears For Fears and hit up the nearest Red Top.
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.