Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're going to try to organize an anti-SOPA fundraiser. Here's how it would go: the menu consists of SOPA-pillas, delicious Mexican batter envelopes served with honey and sugar. But seconds after your waiter brings you your SOPA-pillas, a guy dressed up like an FBI agent shows up and seizes them. And then you have to go ask another guy who's playing your congressman to give them back. Sounds kind of busy, I know, but it's gonna work.
Food trends take off for different reasons; sometimes a certain ingredient becomes cheaper, sometimes a certain food is featured in a popular film or TV show, and then sometimes a food trend is simply designed to make people say "Ha ha! That's fuckin' stupid!" Guess which category this falls into: GIANT CUPCAKES. So, it's a cake, and they add a messy, inconvenient ridge near the top, and tack on twenty or so bucks to the price. The food racket is a good racket to be in, I guess.
Which places have the longest lines around town? Well, since Astroworld is gone, it's now these restaurants. I was hanging out in Dickinson the other day, and I had a nice chat with the guy at the end of the Breakfast Klub line. His name is Horace, he has a three-year-old daughter, and he hopes to see her someday.
There are way more people talking about wine corks than I ever thought possible, so if that's your thing, don't miss out.
At last, "Shit Foodies Say" is here, and although it doesn't include "My life is a hollow lie" muttered halfway through penning a slanderous Yelp review, it's pretty accurate anyway. Foodies are downright bearable when compared to these idiots, though.
Lafeyette seems like a pretty cool place, and I don't know why that kind of surprises me, except maybe I'm tainted on Louisiana by the boringness of Baton Rouge? Huh... my bad, Louisiana. That's as egregious as someone judging the rest of Texas after having only visited Dallas.
We found Lemon Tree to be pretty mediocre, while Triniti seems to be brilliant. I'd have thought the other way around; Lemon Tree sounds fresh and zesty, while Triniti sounds like a stripper who had to come up with a stripper name two hours after watching The Matrix.
The price of beef is going up because it turns out raising brain-dead four-stomached poop factories is somewhat inefficient, particularly in a drought. Not to worry, though; chickens are still cheap and plentiful, as you well know if you've ever lived next door to a trailer park.
Paula Deen has diabetes, the poor dear, and even though she was kind of asking for it with her diet, as the Shameless Chef, I can't really fault her. At least she can have a happy 65th birthday knowing that her penetrating gaze has been cunningly animated in some wonderful GIFs.
We leave you with some delicious toppings to try on your popcorn, and with a horrible abomination we created and are now unable to destroy. John Lomax went into the kitchen earlier today with a machete and a shotgun and has yet to emerge. The thing just won't die. I'm scared.
Have a great weekend!
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.