Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're going to one day open up a pizza joint in New York City's Times Square called Times Square Pie. Only it'll be written like this: x²π. Think anyone will get it? I guess the pizza had better be pretty good.

We started the week off right by asking if these delicious noodles looked like a squirming mass of earthworms. Can't wait to see what kind of questions come up when we have some of grandma's homemade Hot, Steaming Fudge Coils!

Speaking of appetizing treats, how about that adult-oriented candy? It'll have to do until someone figures out a convenient way to give out entire blackberry cobblers to trick-or-treaters. If that's a little too grown-up, these snacks might be more your speed. We certainly hope those demon eyes are from free-range demons. Eating Our Words Cares.

We looked into some of the worst foods to eat in bed this week, and it's a solid list, though we note with some dismay the exclusion of the raw durian. I tried that once and my neighbors called the cops, having assumed there were rotting corpses strewn haphazardly around my apartment. I am, however, happy to see that Butthole Surfers did not make the list of great edible band names.

Our own Katharine Shilcutt deservedly had a hamburger named after her this week, and not only that, but by having one, you're donating to a worthy cause, the Houston Food Bank.

Don't have a lot of room, but dig fresh herbs and spices? Here's how you garden in a small space. True story: my friend Festizio got kicked out of college for gardening in his closet. He was growing a very specific type of herb, if you catch my drift. And no, "Festizio" is not his real name.

Here's a dudebro suffering. That's kind of cool. Maybe next he'll post a video of his 2006 Mustang running him over when he tries to ghost ride the whip but forgets to undo his seat belt. I think this guy is from a large family because I saw dozens of brosephs exactly like him last time I was at Sawyer Park. (I was looking for jumper cables. I didn't find any, but I did get roofied.)

Queen Vic and Petite Sweets go well together, we're happy to say. Not so much these places and romance, though. Well, actually... I dunno, Luby's is actually a pretty good place for a date. Any date that ends with Jell-O is fun, and if you're somewhat normal-looking you'll be the sexiest couple in there by a wide margin.

This is why having the internet everywhere is a good idea: so you can find places like Ray's even when you're stranded out in piney-ass Lufkin. And just think, you almost had to settle for the Chester's Fried Chicken at the local Chevron.

What makes service "good?" If it's fake niceness you want, then stay away from Asian restaurants. If it's ruthless efficiency you're after, however, then Asian it up! Personally, I don't really care if the staff hisses racial slurs under their breath and pokes a doll shaped suspiciously like me with hat pins the entire time I'm there as long as the food is hot and prompt. However, sometimes a little service with a smile is a good thing, especially if you've got an extra $30 a week lying around and love fresh vegetables. Now if we could only find someone willing to do this with local craft beer...

Finally, it's football season, and there are all kinds of fresh new spins to put on your tailgate-food classics while you watch the Texans lose. I used to think they were a pretty good team until someone told me they weren't an entire team full of uniquely handicapped folks suffering from football-triggered epilepsy. I just thought they were so brave.

Have a great weekend!