Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we promise never to have a talking anthropomorphic food item as our mascot. You know the fates those cutesy little M&M's and Chips Ahoy are resigned to, don't you? They will die screaming in someone's gnashing maw. Yummy?
We started the week off right with some fairly brilliant improvisation. Nick Hall is pretty much the MacGuyver of using leftover foodstuffs to make other foodstuffs better, and he proved this with an amazing-looking pork brine. Reminds me of that one time I soaked some turkey jerky in some melted Gummi Bears overnight. It didn't turn out nearly as well. I don't know what happened, I'm pretty sure that old apartment had black mold and I thought I was making a normal Jell-O salad.
We answered the question "What Do Wine and Saddles Have In Common?" with the answer of course being that they both often smell way better than you'd expect. This is also true of Shepherd Park Draught House, which is pretty damned homey for a strip mall bar.
Just in case you forgot, The Simpsons still sucks, as it has for a good long while now. Much better viewing is Top Chef: Texas, whose most recent episode demonstrated how easy it is to make armadillo soup: you just stun it, run an eggbeater down its gullet for a few minutes, heat, and eat straight out of the carapace. Garnish with the tail!
Someone in charge of HEB's generic brand-name imitations has really got his or her shit together, as the knock-offs are often tastier than the real thing. The only product in Kroger that this applies to that I've found is their Kroger-brand Nutella. It's just better, somehow. Weird. Almost as weird as the mysterious disappearances of five once-faddish foods. Well, okay, not really. It's tough for me to believe that Steak Diane was ever even a real thing. Guh.
The weather seems to be experimenting with the occasional chill as of late, so before too long here we ought to be getting our first real, honest-to-Goodness, Jesus-Christ-I-think-a-toe-just-snapped-off-in-my-boot cold snap. For that evening, we hope you have a working heater, a few episodes of Storage Wars saved up on the DVR, and these five hot cocktails. Somebody should make one for hot Dr Pepper, too. Nick, I assign you this task.
Where will you be getting your takeout from on this lonely Thanksgiving? Certainly not benjy's, which sometimes contains people you don't really like and therefore you hate it. Logical! No need to even try the food!
Chef Christy Morgan became a vegan after watching a PETA video documenting how meat is made. Is it wrong that watching the same video just made me realize that yes, I could kill a cow if I was hungry enough? Slit its throat while looking right into those big brown eyes. After maybe 12 or 18 hours without food. Shut up, you guys don't know how hungry I get. I will gladly be joining Katharine in her Olympic-size swimming pool full of Lebanese queso just as soon as she's done building it.
Thanksgiving wines? That's a thing? Okay, well, it's booze, so I guess that's one more thing to be thankful for. Another? Well, any bar with a free-to-play jukebox featuring Tom Petty and Black Joe Lewis is a place owl be sure to visit and thank the fates for. Yeah, that pun had a little blowback on it, I'm a little hurt by it myself.
Finally, we can all give thanks that Pierson Bar-B-Que ain't down for the count. Very cool. Houston needs all the great barbecue joints it can muster to somewhat offset the many, many mediocre sushi places.
Have a great Thanksgiving, and remember: kids like it when the cranberry sauce still has the little ridges on it from the can. Pawn it off on them and save the good stuff for the grownups.