This Week in Deliciousness

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're going to launch a class-action lawsuit against Diet Dr Pepper for not tasting more like real Dr Pepper. We'll probably be defeated in court by the Dr Pepper lawyers pointing out that the slogan never says what, exactly, it resembles Dr Pepper more than. Perhaps the other comparative beverage is radiator fluid, in which case Diet Dr Pepper would, in fact, taste more like real Dr Pepper. Barely.

We don't like to rag on Dr Pepper, but they're just being absolute raging dickbaskets to their Dublin, TX plant, which is the only Dr Pepper plant left in the world that still uses pure cane sugar in the brewing process, and also happens to be my personal favorite soda. But it's also like $2 per 8 oz. bottle. Stocking up on that deliciousness can make you come up short on your damn rent check.

Other stuff happened this week besides Dr Pepper kerfuffle. We kicked the week off with a look at some sports bars where you can go to avoid the dude-bro plague currently enveloping Houston and many other cities, just in case you like watching sports and drinking with girls without having to worry about keeping an eye on their drinks to make sure no one wearing a popped pink collar and Absolut visor drops a Rohypnol into it.

We got all nostalgic over Cecil's and Chapultapec, as we're wont to do. We also took a whiskey cocktail class at Anvil, where we learned that simply combining three or four different whiskeys is not generally considered a "cocktail." Well, fine, if you want to be a purist.

Good news for boozers in general this week, as Spec's is set to expand all over Texas and an extremely unique microbrewery is set to open quite soon in Houston. How unique is it? It will be tiny enough to actually fit inside Martin Short.

Speaking of movies the rest of the world has forgotten about, fried green tomatoes, anyone? No? Well then how about a big-ass slab of pork? You have to pick one.

It was a good week for booze, but a bad one for taquerias, as Greatfull Taco's chef jumped ship and a local Houston chain was forced to pay out the money it owed its employees. For the time being, indentured servitude is still illegal, although if we keep putting Republicans in charge, who knows?

Central Market is serving some crazy-ass burgers, not to be confused with crazy Asperger's, which is a very offensive description and shame on you for even thinking it.

Boarding your Oceanic Air flight soon? Then you'll want to pack these five foods. Or it's possible you would have a different list, we suppose. Speaking of lists, Fat Tony listed his favorite food songs, and they're all great, especially the Descendents song.

When it's too damn hot to cook (now until the end of October) you'll want to know what to do instead, and naturally we've got you covered. Failing that, you could always go nocturnal, in which case the opening of the new BB's Cafe should be excellent news for those night owls over in the Heights.

Finally, here's a bunch more words you're saying wrong. Yes, you're even screwing up the bastardized American pronunciations of the French words. Food lingo isn't the easiest thing in the world.

Have a great Fourth of July weekend, and for God's sake, don't set anything major on fire.

Follow Eating Our Words on Facebook and on Twitter @EatingOurWords

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
John Seaborn Gray