Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating...Our Words, where we're currently writing page 355 of a lengthy treatise on the many misapplications of the word "zesty" throughout history.
We started the week off right with a look at dining outside the Loop, and we'd say not to let one isolated incident in Sugar Land color you against all suburban dining, but...isn't that the point of the suburbs? That it's all the same and therefore a comfortable familiarity? Hey, fine for raising kids, sure. Not so great for finding good seafood.
Jumbo Buffet turned out to be a disappointment, which is unfortunate. Buffets should preferably be better than staying home and heating up all your leftovers at once. Ever do that? Just heat everything up, dump it in big bowls, and set them up in a line on the kitchen counter? And then gorge until you're sick and fall asleep crying? Am I the only one?
The 2nd Annual Texas Beer Fest was a rousing success, as is the chili and eggs "On the Go" dinner from Snap Kitchen. Lean chili on eggs is such a fantastic idea, I can't believe I never thought of it. Kind of like that other great idea I never thought of. Which I now can't think of.
Onion Creek can hit the spot if you hit it at the right time, Austin-pandering aside. I really enjoyed a meal there one crisp January morning, hung over as all-get-out from the New Year's Eve party the night before. Like I said, it's all in the timing.
Two extremely nice people, the owners of Green Seed Vegan, have taken their lovely food truck and traded up to an equally lovely restaurant. Even if you're not vegan -- in fact, especially if you're not -- go check it out and be blown away. No, I know, I used to hate vegan food too, but that was the first time I tried it, which was seven or eight years ago. In the intervening years, vegan cooks have really figured out how to make that shit work, for serious.
Of course, there's always something to be said for a nice slab of well-cooked meat, and like the rest of you, when I think of the perfect steak, I think of Walmart. The omnipresent culture destroyer sponsored a contest between two expert Houston chefs, and a good time was had by all.
Katharine Shilcutt took a trip to Las Vegas, and although she didn't go there for the food, she wound up eating a whole bunch of the stuff anyway. Strange how that works out, isn't it? Of course, she didn't need to leave Texas to find fine wine, as folks from all over are finding out. It's only a matter of time before the other 49 states are picturing us in our giant cowboy hats, riding our horses up and down the vineyard rows, hog-tyin' grape rustlers and dustin' it up in knock-down, drag-out wine-tasting brawls.
Pizza Hut is trying to assuage our anger at being denied their horrifying hot dog/pizza mutant by offering us stuffed crust pizza. WHAT?! A PITTANCE! We will not be bought off so easily, you Saracen curs! WE DEMAND HOT DOG PIZZA! (Note: We most certainly do not demand hot dog pizza and neither should you.) Commenter Anse summed it up best: "What a fucking stupid idea. Pizza Hut is clearly run by stoners. I dig it."
Not being abused enough by snooty people? Good news for you, then, as notoriously difficult eatery Brasil is stepping up to "something like full table service," which we imagine is a lot like regular table service, only with a lot more crisp, stinging open-handed slaps.
We've got some tips for cutting down on your cooking time, but unfortunately we left one out, so here you go: Try leaving the Totino's Party Pizza in the box when you put it in the oven. It saves valuable unwrapping time, and preserves the valuable cardboard fiber and plastic content deficient in most people's diets.
Finally, kudos to Brooke Viggiano for maybe the best headline I've ever seen.
Follow Eating Our Words on Facebook and on Twitter @EatingOurWords