Welcome back to Eating Our Words, where today we're keeping warm by burning calories screaming at our internet service provider. We won't tell you who we use at our house, but it's the one that slows down by a million percent every time it's stormy, or overcast, or slightly cloudy, or there's a stiff breeze. Apparently freezing temperatures are enough to make our internet connection operate with the same efficiency as Freddie Mercury's immune system.

We started the week off with a look back at some classic Saturday morning commercials, and the many psychotic ways they chose to advertise food.

Saint Arnold's One Pot Showdown raised a good chunk of money for our favorite local charity, Noah's Kitchen, with a surplus of sportsmanship and zero antagonism. The same could not be said for our list of five best places to eat on I-10. Turns out a lot of you really, really don't like Taste of Texas. I've never been there, but after all the vitriol I've read, I'll be disappointed if I walk in and there's anything less than live, unattended nutria in the kitchen.

The City Hall Farmer's Market is back, which is good news for people looking to get a bunch of great local food in one place. Think of it as the anti-Wal-Mart.

We found a decent enough Mexican breakfast not too far from the Tunnels, and we found some good stuff at the all-too-often-mediocre Natachee's. Look, it's across the street from our favorite block in the city, so we're going to keep going there until we've narrowed down exactly what's good and what sucks there. You might as well be ready for it, because we don't want to be hearing a chorus of "Natachee's AGAIN?!" out of you people. YES, NATACHEE'S AGAIN.

We checked out some school lunches from around HISD, and it was a very mixed bag. We also went in for some Hong Kong cuisine, and plenty of it, at House of Bowls.

We became alarmed by some of the edible Valentine's Day adult gifts, particularly the jawbreaker ball gag, which we assume was designed with the more whimsical rapist in mind. A little more practical is our guide to cooking when inevitably the Snowpocalypse knocks your power out. Oh, it's going to happen. Look, just panic and buy things already so the media will feel like it hasn't wasted its time.

We put together some simple banana pudding with the help of a shamelessly adorable kid or two, and then looked into a new concept restaurant from the folks who brought us Gringo's. Is it original or distinctive? No, but it's familiar. Yesss, let the sweet glaze of familiarity wash over you as you sleepily fork your way through mediocre meal after mediocre meal, you happy coma pigs. This beats finding something unique and cool by a mile, doesn't it? Shhh. Sleeeeeep.

We also listed 20 ways to please your lover on Valentine's Day and told you how to class up your Super Bowl party. Oh, did we say "Super Bowl"? We meant "The Big Game," lawyer scum.

Have a slightly less frozen weekend!