Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've been watching My Drunk Kitchen so much that our cooking skills have depleted drastically, while our drinking skills have massively improved. Also, I kind of want to try a reverse Chaz Bono and go woo me some Hannah Hart. Not really, Hannah, relax. Although we should definitely drink and cook together. Talk about your Shameless Chefs.
We started the week off right with a look at the five best and worst celebrity food endorsements, and it's a solid list, despite the criminal lack of drunken Orson Welles. "NAH-HAAAA, THE FRENCH! CHAMPAGNE!" Best. Slogan. Ever.
Some interesting news came in this week; Trader Joe's is looking to acquire the old Alabama theater, which has been in virtual disuse since Cactus Music and Bookstop vacated its halls. It's too bad people don't buy music or books anymore, but fortunately Trader Joe's sells neither. Actually, they probably have a bestsellers rack like most grocery chains, so not to worry, your Dan Brown and Stephanie Meyer needs will remain fulfilled.
Odd Pair hit us with a list of the top five wines that go with pizza, which sounds kind of like a challenge to us to either find better selections, or contract cirrhosis trying. Then again, maybe we should be looking into the best coffees to go with pizza, since Coppa's ham and egg pizza sounds like the best breakfast ever.
Simon & Garfunkel have got nothing on our five best places to leave your lover, though once again we've neglected a key establishment: Arby's. Take your date there, and it just kind of happens on its own.
Quick: which month should a festival called "Oktoberfest" be held in? If you said "October," then you are clearly not a European and therefore might just possess a tiny bit of goddamned common sense. For you, we provide the best of the upcoming Oktoberfest celebrations right here in Houston, Texas. Maybe we can even get those Eatsie Boys to tap some of their homebrews. Five pints of Brass Monkey, please.
Houston is officially better than Dallas in every conceivable way, but you knew that. Except perhaps for employing convicted felons, but what are you gonna do: not every city can keep up with the Cowboys.
Five great kinds of refreshing lemonades await you while you wait for autumn to try begin; today was a good start, but we won't be happy 'til it's finally hoodie weather.
We also finally got around to reviewing El Real, much to the relief of several of our more contentious commenters, who were nearly running out of things to aimlessly bitch about. Ha ha, only joking of course! They'll never even come close to running out of things to aimlessly bitch about.
Felix 55 over at Rice Village is worth trying, and here's to hoping it fares better than Felixes 1 through 54.
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SHOW ME HOW
They make stuffed chicken wings?! And none of you told me?! You're all fired.
Finally, make sure to keep an eye on Katharine Shilcutt's 100 Favorite Houston Dishes, which will be hitting Number One this week. We'd say "Already?" but this list started back at the beginning of the summer, and this summer has lasted approximately eight years.