This Week in Deliciousness

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where opinions are like nipples: everybody has four or five weird ones. We started the week off right by not at all clearing up the confusion regarding the difference between fish sauce and nuoc mam. The conclusion: Vietnamese restaurants need more words for different kinds of sauces. You can just call something "sauce." We all should have learned that from Tex-Mex.

Hay Merchant is coming on strong right out of the gate. Strata, on the other hand, seems like it needs some work to live up to its full potential, but that's okay: my fourth-grade teacher said the same about me, and look at me now! Ugh, scratch that. Somewhat less depressing would be a ban on plastic grocery bags, unless you're like that artsy douche in American Beauty who thinks urban tumbleweeds are the most beautiful things in the world. Dude, Thora Birch was sitting right next to you. Open your eyes.

JerryBuilt Burgers are less slapdash than they would have you believe, and before you ask who Jerry is, think World War I-era British ethnic slur against Germans. Mardi Gras, on the other hand, traces its origins not to a slur, but to one last carnivorous fling before you gave up your vices for Lent. Isn't it kind of screwed up to just resume all your vices again on Easter Sunday? "Welcome back, Jesus! Let's get some pills and some barbecue and get all fucked up!" Seems more appropriate for the return of Elvis.

We're finally getting some brewpubs in Houston, so go visit them fast before the TABC remembers it's supposed to be killing light, goodness, and fun in the world. We also got a whopping six semi-finalists in this year's James Beard Awards, so best of luck to everyone involved. From now on, "I've got a Beard!" is going to mean something very different from the other two things.

Discovering the majesty of the words en croute also led to the discovery of some good advice: if you live in a separate apartment from your significant other, crazy shit like "Hey honey, I'm vegan now!" can happen to you out of nowhere. A happy spouse is a constantly monitored spouse.

Meal Snap, like any artificial intelligence, is primarily amusing for how stupid it is. Yeah, that's right, ObjectivistBot77, I haven't forgotten our skirmish in that AOL chat room 18 years ago, and I never will.

Some good news: not only is the popular and fun City Hall Farmer's Market returning, but we've got three new bakeries to check out. There are also some good things going on over at Cafe Ginger and Facundo, which for some reason gets flak for its location inside a car wash. I have no idea why. Some of my fondest memories are car wash-related, as one of my neighbors used to quite regularly wash her car in a bikini top and short shorts. Damn. No idea what kind of car it was, but I still remember that blue bikini.

Not intending to be rude or crude, just remembering some good times, is all. Have a good weekend, everybody, and after the rains tomorrow, y'all may want to get out there and wash your cars. That's right. Damn.

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John Seaborn Gray