This Week in Deliciousness

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've already built a small chickenwire pen in the backyard in which to imprison the many chocolate bunnies we'll be handing out and consuming, come Easter. Oh yes, you will be first, Mssrs. Bunnington and Hopsworth. No amount of creme-filled eggs can save you now.

It sucks to be a vegetarian, what with missing out on the primal fulfillment of eating something that bled and cried, but what really sucks about it is that you don't always have many options. Well, we kicked off the week by listing five places where you leaf-eaters won't have that problem. Actually, I hate vegetables, so yes, please, eat them. Consume them all and leave nothing.

What sucks worse than being a vegetarian with limited options? Miracle Whip. The only miracle is that anyone can choke it down.

The opposite of suck would have to be the weather lately. It's been gorgeous, and you should be eating out on the patio if you're not already. Also in our "always good" category: cookies, yo. The other stuff at Canopy is good, too, but cookies. We love them. In fact, we have a giant soft spot for all baked goods, especially when done well.

Girls, you enjoy lending a hand to a deserving sister in need, right? Guys, you always daydream about coming to the rescue of a smart, sexy, funny, cool chick, right? Well I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that local foodie fixture Linda Salinas was in an accident on her scooter and wound up in the ICU. The good news is that she's healing up way ahead of schedule. And there's more good news: all of her friends, and a bunch of people who only kind of know her, are rallying together to help her pay her hospital bills. There's all kinds of Linda-friendly fun stuff coming up. Please come out and participate and give however you can. If you've never met her, I promise you she is worth it.

Jack Daniel's with honey? Sounds fine to us; sounds, in fact, like it would be a damn good thing to sip hot during cold and flu season. Ooo, let's try it with hot Dr Pepper. That would so be the shit, we may have to just go ahead and name the cocktail The Shit.

The new joint from the Laurenzo family has potential, but it's not quite there yet. It is doing a hell of a lot better than The Men's Club of Houston, though, which seems to want to be taken seriously as a restaurant despite the fact that it's a strip club, but lacks the chops to transcend. Speaking of transcending, we try to rise above the petty grousing that can at times get a little out of hand in the comments section, but I'll be honest, it gets a mite frustrating when you folks start getting offended at salty language and food eaten near dancing nekkid ladies. Kids, we are an alt-weekly. This means we will go to seedy places and swear from time to time. You don't like it, Shelby motherfucking Hodge is but a few clicks away.

But of course, most of you are fine, upstanding, smart folks, which is why nearly all of you cottoned on to the fact that the Whole Foods employment application we posted might not have been as legit as we oh-so-tongue-in-cheekily suggested it was. Those of you who thought it was real, consider smoking maybe slightly less pot. Or, if you're smoking something harder, consider switching to pot.

We still enjoy throwing top fives at you, especially about stuff we all enjoy like coffee and underrated eateries, but we also ushered in a slightly more even-handed, analytical approach with our new Favorite Three feature. We try to be even-handed and well-balanced, like any good stripper.

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John Seaborn Gray