Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're really glad to have all these giant crosses all over town to remind us how goddamn Christian we all are while our homeless starve. Ha ha, just kidding! This ordinance won't starve the homeless. It'll just fine the compassionate people who will feed them anyway. City Hall gotta make up for that traffic camera fiasco, yo. Remember: No loaves and fishes for more than five homeless at once. I'm looking in your direction, Mr. Of Nazareth.
Well, Bernie's Burger Bus started the week off right, at least, by winning our 2nd annual burger bracket. A well-deserved victory, Bernie! Best of luck with that second bus, not that you need it.
This Easter, I think we can all agree: shitty hollow chocolate rabbits have got to go. We've also got some non-candy Easter options for you, if that's your thing. Easter's coming up soon, right? Otherwise I don't really know why we did all this.
Flying Saucer spells "beer nerd" wrong, but they seem to be better at booze than at spelling, so at least we've got the important stuff covered. Which is more than can be said for the Austin Beer Fest, which was organized by the some of the same winners who so thoroughly botched last year's Houston Beer Fest. And they've got another one coming up June 9! Oh man! I bet this is gonna be the one where everything works out perfectly!
It's no surprise that a wine-related shindig turned out somewhat better, but I'm still of the opinion that it's not a real festival until someone throws up in the fountain.
Two restaurants are opening up in the same building, and new owner Harvey Dent seemed to be of two minds about it. It'll be weird, but not as weird as the secret cravings of foodies. Are there foodies who suffer from pica? They would know all the best kinds of pottery and bricks to eat, wouldn't they? I'm not trying to make fun, I'm just thinking out loud here.
Shepherd Park Draught House looks like the place to be if you're cool enough to know the correct way to pronounce "draught" but old enough to want to drink somewhere without high schoolers comparing shoes.
Helping people who help animals is a fine thing to do, especially when you're serving awesome, chef-created food. Awesome, chef-created food doesn't necessarily need to be altruistic to be enjoyed, however, so there's your full philosophical permission to EAT ALL OF THE EGG ROLLS.
Okay, maybe that last paragraph was a little out there, but whatever. I write this to amuse myself, I don't have to cater to you. These people will, though, and they're really, really good at it.
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The words "avocado" and "throwdown" just don't portmanteau very well, which is no doubt disappointing for people trying to make flyers for the Avocado Throwdown. For next year's event, may we suggest "Bravadocado?" It has a hip Southwestern flair, and yet it also kind of sounds like what Voldemort says when he kills you.
Finally: some fine local Eggs Benedictators. See, some words combine so easily. Know who taught me that? That one actress. Natalie Portmanteau.