This Week in Deliciousness

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've already made reservations for Valentine's Day dinner at Hooters. We started this week off by chatting with meat revivalist Morgan Weber, who can get a steak back up on its feet and walking around as long as it's not cooked past medium well. Or maybe we're confusing "reviving" with "reanimating"? Either way, we would definitely crawl out of the grave for a shot at these alfajores, which look like delicious, chocolate hockey pucks. Chockey Pucks? Oh damn, we'd better copyright that immediately. Sadly, "Pizza of Love" is already taken.

Kids are learning how to cook in high school, and will display those skills on February 20, despite the flak they're receiving from naysayers who think the schools should follow more traditional curricula, in which the Pilgrims and Indians always got along, none of the Founding Fathers owned slaves, and high school kids are lucky if they know how to assemble Hamburger Helper. Clearly, none of that fancy-ass book-learnin' was forced upon the Shameless Chef.

Those Sweethearts candies are changing; they're getting rid of the white and green flavors, which is stupid, but if it leads to a quicker death for Valentine's Day as a holiday, TWiD will get on board. Not that we're not romantic, we just prefer something more spontaneous, like an impromptu Mochi ice cream ball fight after a cheap dinner at a tasty dive. It's frowned upon, but not illegal, to aim for the face or crotch in a Mochi ice cream ball fight.

Much fungus was consumed at the fourth annual Mushroom Throwdown, and plenty of chowder/soup/stew was slung around at the One Pot Showdown. You can impress your friends by giving up crawfish for Lent, knowing you will reap a more plump and juicy reward. No need to skimp on the shrimp, though.

Famed pockmarked chef Gordon Ramsey managed to redeem a restaurant that had been slammed by one of our own former writers, and we're glad to see everything ended happily, with the parties in question completely masking their deep, burning pits of seething resentment.

Be sure to let us know if you've got a great beer-and-pot pairing, or if you know of any great Super Bowl wines we missed. What pairs best with a snack stadium? We're thinking a Blush or a Zinfandel, or maybe something with a little Kool-Aid mixed in.

After a mediocre stop at El Mariachi Loco, which... we're sorry, there's simply no way a native Spanish speaker chose that name... anyway, after that, we found Super H Mart to be a lovely palate cleanser, washed down by a quick stop in at one of the many hidden little gems that used to be a Taco Bell.

Need to impress one of them vegan chicks? Here's a solution. But you and she will want to pass on the empanadas, which is very sad, because as far as we're concerned, churches should offer empanadas as tiny communion wafers. Attendance would increase, as would faith in intelligent design, if not of the universe, then most certainly of Venezuelan delicacies.

England may have colonized the bejeezus out of India, but an English-style Texas beer cooperates nicely with Indian food. Sports writing and Tex-Mex also go together, although as far as we know, one has never conquered the other. JJ of Beaver's managed to conquer Texas Monthly's reluctance to acknowledge him - they did finally link to this very article - and of course everyone in the comments section was pleased and proud of the local boy's success. Except for 9 out of 10 of you, who jealously bitched and moaned and accused Eating Our Words of conspiracies we wouldn't have time to implement even if they tripled our salaries. Oh, you foodies... you just hate everything sometimes, don't you? Ah, well. At least the next time one of you tells us to go fuck ourselves, we'll know exactly how to do so.

Cultural confusion can be glorious, as can mussels and fancy Belgian frites. We're not sure why frites always have to be served in that fancy cone-shaped glass, though; we frankly wouldn't mind if they were served by being thrown at us. Especially if they were thrown in a shatterproof glass.

You folks sure do like your coffee, and although TWiD does not share your affection, we can respect it. Why? Because we're giving people. In fact, we gave you some badass recipes for homemade salsa, Cajun hot wings, and steak fajita tortas this week alone. We even provided a recipe round-up entirely based on corn just in time for Super Bowl Sunday.

Finally, just in case you feel your privates would be sexier wreathed in chocolate, we present the chocolate thong. Chocolingerie? Brilliant. We'll put it on the same copyright form as the Chockey Puck.

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
John Seaborn Gray