Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've been trying to get Opie and Anthony to re-tweet scandalous pictures of our manscaped junk all day, but so far, no dice. Come on, guys. Help a loyal listener with exhibitionist tendencies out.

We started the week off right by visiting the Tel-Wink Grill, which has been around so long we're starting to think it was built by Ents. We next picked up dessert at Expressions Fine Chocolates. I've had to admit to myself: I like pistachio desserts. This never ceases to surprise me. Every time I see a pistachio ice cream or pistachio truffle I have that moment of inner conflict where I think "Nahhh, I don't like pistachio desserts. Wait, shit, yes I do!" I don't understand this.

We continued on with a concept I fully support: cereal as dessert, although I was disappointed not to find the most delicious, most mouth-scrapin'est cereal of all time, Cap'n Crunch, among the winners. We were surprised to find Vegemite among the top five everyday exotic dinners, because most people I've talked to hate Vegemite. Of course, I think most people are eating it wrong, too. It's supposed to be an ingredient, you're not supposed to eat it by itself. Kinda like bouillon, but spreadable.

Since we're on the top fives, let's not forget this week's corker, the top five foods for when you ladies suffer your monthly attacks from the crotch gnomes. Finally, we've got our favorite five healthy and unique smoothies. What, no watercress and rocket smoothies? You guys are missing out.

We had a first look at La Mia Cafe, not to be confused with Mai's Asian Cuisine. Following that, we ran through some tips for preparing for a hurricane, although honestly we would kind of welcome a mild hurricane this year, since that looks like the only rain we're going to get in this sun-scorched hellscape. Seriously, what happened here? Where did all our rain go? Does it have anything to do with it being so nastily hot so early in the summer? Why don't I just research these questions myself? Well, it's because, as the Bing commercials constantly point out, Google is really, really, really hard to use. I tried to Google "cicada-killer wasps" the other day and wound up accidentally re-tiling my bathroom.

Canopy's Kobe Beef Dog and the Burger Guys' Sonoma Burger are two things that should definitely be served in the same location someday. We'd also be willing to include anything fried in lavender. Or anything fried in anything, really.

We don't enjoy it, but every now and then a place just doesn't have its shit together and so we are forced to ream them a new buttock. That happened this week when we reviewed the new Tan Tan. Personally, I want more details on that World's Saddest Birthday Party.

Houston's most underrated chefs got a little less so this week thanks to us, and finally, we took a flight of fancy into some food trucks we would either avoid like the plague, or maybe eat at every single day. We're still not sure. Have a great weekend!