This Week in Deliciousness: A Crash-Diet Trend, Sandra Lee & More

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating...Our Words, where sometimes we'll throw rice, noodles and tofu in a pot together for dinner with no seasoning or sauce whatsoever. Anti-Flavor Stew is filling and has a nice consistency, but tastes austere and empty, a flavor profile reminiscent of the first half hour of The Wizard of Oz before it switches to Technicolor.

For the second week in a row, we started off with some really ugly, horrifying shit: in this case, a new crash-diet trend that has people hooking themselves up to medical feeding tubes. Dieting trend, or brand-new cross for the lazy masochist to nail themselves to? Honestly, is it that much more work to buy a juicer and not start getting the same ulcers and infections that invalids get? God Almighty.

Less infuriating is a look at five recent food trends that just aren't going to catch on, no matter how hard they're pushed by a small but devoted set of true believers. Too bad about pie, but at least we won't have to face down a future where the gym is filled with more methane than a cattle truck because all the gym rats have been loading up on Extreme Sports Beans. Beans, beans, like coffee to go, now slam a whole bunch and LEAN UP, BRO!

The naked mole rats forced to subsist on tunnel food will be pleased to learn that Poblano's makes a jim-dandy all-day breakfast, doubly fortunate because tacos are really easy to eat without the use of your rapidly fading, sunlight-starved eyes.

We tried to condemn Sandra Lee this week, without all that much success; she's kind of hard to work up a genuine loathing for. Unlike, say, restaurant staff who overcompensate when a food critic walks in the door. A waiter up one's ass every five minutes checking every little detail only tells us you know your food tastes like cardboard. Central Market threw one of them Passport shindigs, this time spotlighting France with all of the delicious food and none of the unfiltered cigarettes. Latin Bites is also stepping up their roles in the local multicultural milieu in their new location on Woodway. Everyone give a quick moment's appreciation to SpellCheck, without which I could not use words like "milieu."

Bummer of the Year: Beef is about to get really expensive, guys. Sad as it may be, this might actually be the best thing for us: relegating beef to a special-occasion treat, forcing us to consume healthier alternatives like chicken and turkey, and cutting down on the resources consumed by cattle. I still don't like this situation much, but maybe it's for the best. *wistful sigh*

Then again, there's always French Funyun Dip. Maybe we won't be okay after all!

Is Mission Burrito trying to be Torchy's? Ummm...in the same way MacBeth was trying to be King Duncan, I guess. "Usurping with Quality," maybe that should be the Mission Burrito motto.

Finally: tits. Have a nice weekend!

Follow Eating Our Words on Facebook and on Twitter @EatingOurWords

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
John Seaborn Gray