Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating...Our Words, where we've finally figured out what our Halloween costume is going to be. Ready? Here it is: genetically modified fruit. Simple enough concept, but the hard part is the execution, where I need to figure out a way to combine a Fruit of the Loom mascot costume with a velociraptor from Jurassic Park. Does anybody have Stan Winston's number?

We started the week off right with a look at the ten best toppings for your caramel apples. My favorite suggestion: marshmallows. Just look at that thing. Doubles as a Nerf weapon.

If you missed the delicious dinner benefiting the wonderful Lucky Dog Rescue, don't worry, the next one is only six months away. Speaking of classy shindigs, did you know there were different kinds of punch? I thought there was just one: the kind with Everclear in it that people drink in college because people new to drinking don't know how shitfaced they're getting until it's way too late. Shows how much I know.

Just in case you weren't aware, we've reached the time of year where we're throwing pumpkin into absolutely goddamn everything. Personally, I love pumpkin, so this is not a problem for me. Pumpkin haters, now you know how the rest of us feel when cucumber starts creeping into everything towards the middle of summer. GROSS.

After some authentic Thai food and a slew of Texas wines, we got down to the really big deal this week: an interview with Anthony Freakin' Bourdain. Good Lord, that is a huge get. He's right about Texas barbecue and wrong about people wanting Gang of Four to be turned down. NOBODY I'D CARE TO EAT WITH, MISTER.

In my mind, comfort food beats a fancy-ass tasting menu any day, and we found a knowledgeable someone who agrees. Exception: tasting menus OF BOOZE. Or any kind of menu of booze. Booze.

We'll end with a pair of lists: the ten best places to eat along the now largely brodude-free Washington Avenue, and the ten best spots to grab barbecue in our fine city. Meat is just the best, for real.

Finally, a Halloween tip: The only people who have ever maliciously sabotaged candy have been parents looking for attention. So kids: DO NOT TRUST YOUR PARENTS, EVER. Thank you, and have a lovely Halloween.