This Week in Deliciousness: Pet Food, Pets As Food, and More

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating...Our Words, where the kinds of things we're filling watermelons with would make your head spin. I mean, sure, everybody goes with vodka, but how many of you have tried an Absinthe & Everclear bomb? Not many of you, judging from the relatively normal rate of folks going into local mental institutions.

We started the week off right with the news that YouTube is launching its own food channel, called HUNGRY. Rejected names: OMG WHEREZ TEH FOOD, U SUCK U CAN'T COOK LOL, I USED TO BE A CHEF BUT THEN I TOOK AN ARROW TO THE KNEE, and of course, FOOD 'N' CATS. However they run this thing, they're dopes if they don't make Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen a huge part of it. Just to put that out there.

Here are five amazing documentaries to help wreck your diet. Sure, my nutritionist said "just eat smaller meals more often," but I'm pretty sure they're not all supposed to be macarons.

Outstanding In My Backyard is back just in time for cookout season. It's a very cool thing with some very cool people, but before you get to feeling too good about your fellow man, consider this: Some restaurant people are suing a Corpus Christi restaurant for offering a lobster baked potato on their menu, and then people wander into the wrong restaurant and ask for this dish, which isn't served there, and everyone gets butthurt and wants money now.

Carl's Jr. is starting some kind of ice cream sandwich burger thing soon, and you'll know it's arrived when you see the inevitable commercial featuring someone who's famous for being slutty rubbing it all over her tits. We're hoping for Lindsay Lohan, she seems like she could use something to eat.

We suggested that the two main problems with most bad food stem from imbalanced acidity or poor texture. I would humbly add too much or too little salt to that list, but only if I were being asked to do so. Which of course I'm not.

We tried to explain why restaurants and generous tipping therein are important, yet it seems like we didn't get through to a lot of folks who still don't understand that you either pony up the money to reward adequate-to-great service, or you stay your stingy ass home. There aren't a whole lot of simple, no-wiggle-room concepts in life, but that is one of them.

We had a look at the top five pet foods that appeal to the pet owners maybe just a little too much. Speaking of pet food: What about when pets are food? Eating dog isn't a prominent thing anymore, but yup, it still happens in Korea. Luckily it's falling out of favor with the current generation, who have realized the same truth I told you about last week: Never, ever mix superstition and food. It makes terrible things happen.

Dolce Vita caught on fire a few days ago, and if it was arson, whoever did it can kiss my entire ass, because that place was the scene of one of the nicest dates I ever went on. More bad news: Georgia Bost of Georgia's Farm to Market has passed away. If you want to pay tribute, you can donate in Georgia's name to Urban Harvest, Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center or School of the Woods.

If you need cheering up, Lankford Grocery is still going strong, so head on over if that huge burger in the header looks tasty to you.

We've got a wish list of New York food we'd like to see make it to Texas. Yankee food is always so hearty. Not that that's a bad thing, but eating a huge hot pile of beans, potatoes and roast beef feels a lot different in seven-degrees Fahrenheit New York than in hundred-degree Houston. I can only eat Shepherd's Pie and similar dishes when there's a cold front.

Finally, don't forget to nominate your favorites for our Houston Web Awards. They'll appreciate you for it, and so will we.

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John Seaborn Gray