This Week in Deliciousness: The Healthy-to-Junk Whiplash

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where uncooked quinoa and trail mix are no substitutes for massive amounts of junk food no matter what our dieticians tell us. Yes, I'm trying to cut down on the calories; it's beach season, after all, and I'd like to be able to take just one nap on the shore without concerned beachgoers throwing buckets of water on me and saying things like "You're gonna make it, big fella!" while pushing me out to sea.

We started the week out somewhat less than helpfully with a look at what other things are delicious on French fries besides ketchup. Turns out, lots of things. Makes sense; it shows a true lack of imagination to have only ever tried ketchup on your fries. Dare to dream, for Pete's sake.

We had a look at 8th Wonder Brewery, a local craft brewery from the brilliant minds who brought you the Eatsie Boys food truck. I love those guys, and I'm looking forward to trying their beer, but I must make one small request: can we get at least one or two beers that aren't hoppy and bitter as shit? Pleeeeeease? I know beer nerds love to prove their manliness by guzzling beer that tastes like roofing tar, but the rest of us need something kinda halfway refreshing. A nice lager? A tasty pilsner or mild bock? Please? It's too freaking hot out to be drinking triple-hop rye bread coffee stout.

At long last, Houston finally has a sushi restaurant: Uni Sushi, the first but hopefully not the last of this rare breed. Now you can go see what all the fuss is about!

We'd like more kolaches from Revival Market, if they wouldn't mind too terribly. Dunkin Donuts, you go ahead and hang on to your nasty-ass flatbread breakfast sandwiches, thanks.

Not to toot our own horn, but we're a pretty useful blog up in here, particularly when we're making stuff like this handy-dandy illustrated chart for dining on (and just off) the light rail. Go ahead and queue up some Berlin while you read that.

We also had a first-hand account of a 21-year-old birthday girl's very first dry martini. It didn't go well, but give it time. She's only 21, she hasn't had her dreams crushed out of her yet. Dry martinis and other strong drinks are great for washing out the lies you grew up believing in - you know, love, God, justice, fairness, love, happiness, contentment, hope, love, etc. (Happy belated birthday though, Molly, for reals.)

If, on the other hand, you're the tattered remains of a man trying to piece himself back together, it's useful to know what to eat after a weight-happy workout and where to get some good salads around town. Top that off with this very cool news about Grand Prize Bar's new cast of rotating chefs, and you could almost believe things will one day be okay again. Al.......... most.

Food can make damn good art, but unless it's a portrait you can hang on your wall for eternity, best steer clear of the $19 two-fig salad. Good grief. What would Vincent Vega say?

Prepare for a disappointing time at Schilleci's New Orleans Kitchen, at least if you're big on flavor. Do, however, prepare for a somewhat enchanting time at your local grocery store. You know, if you're in the right frame of mind. We recommend spending a year or so on a deserted island to really make you appreciate all that genetically modified, preservatives-laden crap.

And, because we can't just let you go about your lives without reading about delicious junk you either aren't supposed to eat or simply can't anymore, we give you five discontinued fast food chicken dishes we miss, and Texas junk food through the years. God Almighty. Good luck, everybody.

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John Seaborn Gray