The New York Times recently reported that baby food manufacturers have been forced to revamp their products to combat the increasing numbers of parents who are making their own infant grub. Hardly surprising. Have you seen some of the weird sh*t on the shelves that we're supposed to want to feed babies (we're talking developing humans whose age is still measured in months!). Here are five of the creepiest:
5. Apples & Chicken. Apples and chicken are relatively healthful forms of fruit and protein, respectively, though I wouldn't think to put them in combination. And even weirder is that these two items aren't merely "paired" with each other: They're fully blended into one amalgamate puree. What's for dinner, very young Padawan? Chapples!
4. Baby Mum-Mum Cookies. When I first privately ranted about these cookies to some of my cousins (all of whom had children), they rightfully retorted that babies really actually did like these snacks, which are preservative-free and made from all-natural ingredients. What still creeps me out about these cookies is their banana shape (why not have the fruit itself?), and more so, the fact that the manufacturer mascot is "Hot Kid." According to a friend more than learned than me in Asian studies, Mum-Mum cookies are actually Taiwanese in origin and made by a company called "Shen-Wang."
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to the mission of the Houston Press. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Houston’s stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
This story continues on the next page.
3. Unflavored Pedialyte. When I worked as a nanny, I had the terrifying experience of caring for a baby with a stomach virus who was in danger of becoming severely dehydrated. Hence, I appreciate the use-value of Pedialyte, which can save you a trip to the emergency room for IV fluids...but only if your child actually drinks it. So why serve a version evacuated of flavor at the time you most need a baby to chug?
2. Lil' Crunchies. Babies have the rest of their lives to eat crap -- why enable their addiction to junk food? There are definitely better snack options for the under-one set. Also, shame on you, Gerber, for even trying to pass off these Cheetos as something nutritious.
1. Lil' Turkey Sticks. Dr. Spock always said that cocktail wieners are the cornerstone of a healthful baby diet. No, no, he didn't, and for good reason. There's about a thousand better sources of protein for growing children than processed meat products. If you're feeding your baby this crap, you're lazy and depraved.