Don't be that guy (or girl) charging through CVS on February 14 in search of a giant heart-shaped chocolate box. If Valentine's Day is important to you, or rather, if Valentine's is important to your partner, act early and order one of these gifts. You'll get extra points for planning ahead, I promise.
5. Belgian Chocolate-Covered Oreos (FTD). Blah, blah, I know it's so easy to make your chocolate-covered Oreos, but in the process you're likely to get so annoyed by the vagaries of dipping chocolate that you will end up severely resenting the recipient of this gift. Dipped in dark, milk, and white chocolate and adorned with red hearts, FTD's Oreos also make a good group gift, for example, to the office singletons.
4. Caviar Gift Box (CaviarExpress). Probably your best choice if 1) you have some Benjamins to spare and/or 2) you have really screwed up as a partner this past year. The gourmet box (shipped COMPLIMENTARY OVERNIGHT) includes blini, crème fraîche, two caviar spoons and your choice style of caviar. Those who are really in the doghouse should strongly consider adding some Dom Perignon or 2008 Vintage Napa Valley vodka.
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3. Breakfast For Two (Harry & David). Truly a multipurpose gift, the "Breakfast For Two" package from Harry & David can be given to one's own partner or to any beloved couple in your life (e.g., good ol' mom and dad). Especially good for those who favor a sweet morning meal, as the kit contains buttermilk pancake mix, strawberry rhubarb preserves, walnut povitica, cherry vanilla coffee, and a heart-shaped pancake-shaper that doubles as a cookie cutter. Aw.
2. Deluxe Snack Attack (Red Envelope). For the savory-loving significant other/friend/family member in your life. Not, however, for people with nut allergies, because this "snack attack" box is legume-heavy, containing chile-lime corn nuts, sea-salted pistachios, coconut-macaroon almonds, and a trail mix with dried blueberries, cranberries and cherries. Anyway, God bless the giver of this present for challenging the box o' chocolates cliché.
1. Five-Pound Chocolate Bar (Hershey's). Perhaps the best thing about this oversize chocolate bar is that your partner will be forced by necessity to share some with you. Plus, if you get into a fight on V-Day, it's also a great prop for drama: "You said you wanted chocolate, did ya? Well, here's F*#KING chocolate" [slams five-pound bar on the table].