I will never understand America's obsession with yogurt; it just isn't my thing. (Frozen yogurt, on the other hand, is a product I can definitely get behind.) And the diversity in yogurt flavors actually intensifies my lack of interest. These days, it seems as if manufacturers are in some sort of odd competition to produce the strangest flavors, like these top five:
5. Stonyfield "Yotoddler": Banana & Pumpkin. I get that you're supposed to start your kids on vegetables early so they get used to having them as part of their diet. But why do pumpkin and banana need to come in yogurt form when they're both available in pureed form in jars? Fail.
4. Dannon Classics: Coffee. This flavor, I imagine, is a relic of the early 2000s, when the food industry started producing coffee versions of everything (the release of coffee Coca-Cola was the nadir of this era). Today, I'm pretty sure people look to Starbucks, not Dannon, when they need a sweet coffee and/or caffeine fix.
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This article continues on the next page. 3. Chobani Bite: Caramel With Pineapple Chunks. What's the first fruit that comes to mind when you hear the word "caramel"? "Apple"? Probably. "Pineapple." Less likely. These flavors work fine independently in yogurt form, but in combination yield an overly sweet, syrupy confection with an uncomfortable citrus aftertaste.
2. Yoplait Light: Black Forest Cake. Setting aside the fact that Yoplait's entire line of "dessert"-style yogurts is questionable, the Blackforest Cake flavor nevertheless distinguishes itself for its audacious ambition to replicate the taste of Black Forest cake (remember, that's multiple layers of cream, dark chocolate cake, and sour cherries) in one smooth, spoonable form. Anyone who says, "This tastes just like Black Forest cake" has a) no taste buds b) not actually eaten the aforementioned cake c) a pathological devotion to the brand d) all of the above.
1. Stonyfield Farm Fruit on the Bottom: Chocolate (!?). You'll note that Stonyfield yogurts hold two spots on this list--so many of their all-organic products are downright odd. The most extreme example, however, is the nonsensical "fruit on the bottom" fat-free chocolate flavor...er, what? If Stonyfield Farm actually has trees that yield chocolate, I stand corrected.