If there wasn't a kitty on the label, you'd never know the difference.
If there wasn't a kitty on the label, you'd never know the difference.

Top Five Pet Foods I'm Tempted to Eat Myself

When I was six years old, I asked my parents about every ten minutes for a German Shepherd. Instead, I received another sister. Strangely, part of my motivation for owning a canine stemmed from a desire to eat dog biscuits, which to me looked crunchy and delicious. Today, I still harbor a hankering for certain pet foods; here are five you wouldn't have to pay me to try.

5. Friskies Crispies. Looking over the ingredients, I'm finding it difficult to tell the difference between these snacks and your run-of-the-mill crackers or chips. I would take these over Goldfish or Ritz, if only because Friskies offers a salmon variety, which, if anything like shrimp chips, is guaranteed to be amazing.

4. Cesar Original Paté Entrees. Beverly Cleary fans: Do you remember when Henry Huggins ate a can of dog food? Okay, so as I recall, the experience wasn't completely pleasurable, but I bet Henry would have felt differently had he sampled any of the patés proffered by Cesar. I'm especially drawn to the lamb and porterhouse flavors, which I'd pair with a robust pinotage and some cornichons.

3. Frosty Paws. My knowledge of canine eating habits could fit in a dollhouse thimble; however, given the alacrity with which my neighbor's dalmatian devoured my ice cream cone after I dropped it on the sidewalk, I know ice cream must be quite a treat. Just like for us! So, why confine yourself to human brands? Available in flavors "original" (vanilla?) and peanut butter (yum), these fun frozen cups have the additional virtue of containing no added sugar, artificial flavors or colors.

2. VeggieBlend Premium Daily Bird Food. Every nutrition column I read these days seems to advocate eating more seeds and nuts, so why not look to bird cuisine for inspiration? I imagine the VeggieBlend tasting like a wonderful cross between veggie chips and trail mix, perfect for crunching at the ballpark or at a picnic.

1. Fancy Feast Elegant Medleys. I am not the biggest fan of cats, in part because several longhaired varieties make me break out in hives and wheeze like a miner. I might suffer through these allergies just for the excuse to buy the "restaurant-inspired" Fancy Feast Medleys, specifically the white meat chicken and cheddar cheese soufflé. Looks better than most casseroles I've made.

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