Top Ten Ways to Ensure Crawfish Boiling Success

You're all G'ed up and educated about boiling crawfish, and now you're staring down your impending 300-pound boil for friends and neighbors. Here are a few last-minute considerations to guarantee success.

10. The right venue is key. And, by right venue, I mean someplace where the beer flows like wine and the owner, manager and staff are supremely laid-back yet organized.

9. Estimate three pounds of crawfish per person if you're boiling in Houston. You may think it's too conservative, but you don't want to be staring at a shit ton of leftovers at the end of the night.

8. Have the crawfish supplier deliver your bugs directly to the venue. There's a reason that Bubbles doesn't offer "Live Crawfish" scent for your interior.

7. Be prepared for anything not in your immediate control to become a disaster. For example, your crawfish may arrive two-and-a-half hours before you're ready, so have a plan - pick a shady spot outside of the venue for emergency stashing of the critters.

6. Unless your plan involves boycotting socializing, pack a suitcase the night before the event and put it in your trunk so you don't forget it (assuming the venue isn't your backyard). You should include three changes of clothes and some smell-good juice to mask the eau de sweaty seafood market you'll be sporting.

5. Plan to have at least three crawfish boiling rigs available so that you're not busting your ass for more than three hours. Beg. Borrow (thanks, Randy). Buy...from (thanks, Andrew).

4. Err on the side of buying too many veggies, too much seasoning and whatnot. You can always use it later.

3. Three propane tanks is enough. And, no you cannot return the extras for a refund...unless the nice lady at the Lowe's return desk thinks you're sexy...or something.

2. Have a kickass team of helpers committed to making your boil a success. For a public event, you definitely need servers, crowd control and a few utility infielders to get the job done.

1. Remain calm. All is well. (It's crawfish boil, for Pete's sake. It's supposed to be fun remember?)

Thus concludes this season's crawfish boiling online training. Go forth and conquer the rest of the crawfish season with gusto.

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Jason Bargas
Contact: Jason Bargas