If your salad is topped with more than one kind of fried thing, loaded up with ranch and cheese, and is served with a piece of carb that is pretty much larger than the salad itself, it's pretty safe to say you're not reeeallyyy eating a salad. But that doesn't mean it's not delicious! Here are five outrageous "salads" that truly push the limits on the term "salad":
See also: Try These 5 Absolutely Loaded Grilled Cheeses Try These Five Monster Sandwiches Try These 5 Outrageous Mac & Cheeses Try These Five Monster Breakfast Dishes Try These 5 Absolutely Loaded Pizzas Try These 5 Absolutely Loaded Fries Try These 5 Chili-Smothered Dishes Try These 5 Awesomely Outrageous Burgers in Houston Try These 5 Awesomely Delicious Kimchi-Packed Eats in Houston Try These Five Outrageously Awesome Shellfish Dishes Try These Five Outrageous Hangover Cures
Burger Bowl Where to get it: BRC Gastropub, 519 Shepherd
Ever really want to smash a burger but force yourself to get a salad instead? Meet BRC's Burger Bowl ($16), a salad-ish dish that is only salad-ish because everything comes piled on top of a sledge of iceberg lettuce. That's right: This "Garden" entrée is topped with a juicy burger, french fries, jalapeños, avocado, ranch dressing, two fried eggs, cherry tomato, red onion and QUESO. Yes, we said QUESO. We also said FRIES, but we didn't capitalize it so you may have missed it.
Fried Chicken & Champagne Salad Where to get it: Max's Wine Dive, multiple locations
Let's be clear: A salad with chunks of thick and crispy battered and deep-fried chicken breast that gets smothered in a champagne dressing is most definitely the kind of salad we want to eat. And did we mention the blue cheese, tomatoes, hard-boiled egg and apple-wood smoked bacon that also sit atop the romaine? Get it for $15 and be proud of yourself for "eating light."
Surf and Turf Salad Where to get it: Que Huong, 11201 Bellaire
Rare steak, plump shrimp and crispy fried shrimp "chips" make the goi bo tom rau muong salad ($17) at this authentic Vietnamese spot a winner. Sure, there's watercress, raw veggies and a bright fish sauce underneath, but the "surf and turf" toppers totally make you forget you're eating a salad.
This story continues on the next page.
Burrito Bowl "Salad" Where to get it: The El Cantina Superior, 602 Studewood
The fact that The El Cantina Superior puts "salad" in quotation marks should be your first clue that this dish is going to be monstrous. The second should be the description. For $15.75, you can get a brisket, pork belly, steak or chicken burrito served over romaine and loaded with black beans, fries, three types of cheese, chile con carne, a fried egg and queso, with a few other accouterments such as onion, tomato and jalapeño thrown in for good measure. If you ever wanted to have a burrito and a heart attack while feeling "good about having a salad," this is your very delicious chance.
Fried Oyster Caesar Salad Where to get it: Ragin' Cajun, multiple locations
As if a salad coated in a dressing made with cheese, oil and egg yolk weren't fatty enough, this Cajun hotspot rims the plate of its Caesar salad with a crap ton of ultra-crispy cornmeal-battered oysters ($15.29). And for that, we love them.
Keep the Houston Press Free... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Houston with no paywalls.