In one of our many strange and winding trips through the twisted pathways of the Internet, we stumbled across this site: http://www.xxxitchen.com. Despite the URL, it's not nearly as NSFW (that's Not Safe For Work, moms, which the rest of this post is -- so stop reading now and go find your happy place) as one would expect.
Italian designer Raffaele Iannello -- who's famous for creating the Voodoo/The EX knife holder -- has come up with an entirely new line of kitchen utensils that do double-duty, and we're not talking about a special scrubbing pad on the back of your rubber dish gloves. Iannello's line of kitchen utensils also double as sex toys. Or, as he puts it:
Squeezers or paper towel holders in silicon, with sleek and sensual forms, suggest 'creative' uses for common products targeted at general consumers, purportedly bored housewives or young single career women.
Sadly, Iannello's designs aren't yet for sale. But don't despair, "bored housewives," as there are yet treasures in your cabinets and drawers that may be used to provide hours of pleasure whether you use them in the kitchen or the bedroom.
A word of caution, though: While that French rolling pin may look comely to a lonesome lady, please don't insert anything into your ahem orifices that isn't expressly designed to go in there (i.e., cylindrical objects that don't have a flared base, anything that may break, splinter or shatter, anything that -- basically -- you didn't buy from a sex shop). That way lies infections, pain and embarrassing emergency room visits.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, tie on that apron, put on some heels and get ready for some Donna Reed-roleplaying or hot Betty Crocker action.
5. Ice cube tray: We're starting out gently here, with a little bit of foreplay in the form of ice cubes slowly trailed up and down the body until they melt. Linger sightly on more sensitive areas -- the curve of the breasts, the neck just behind the ear, the nipple -- but not on the most sensitive areas. No one likes an ice cube on their clit.
Or maybe they do. But then they can go read some other sex/food post, can't they?
4. Dough prickler: Ouch! But that's kind of the idea here. Rolled very, very gently over the body, the prickler -- also called a docker -- creates a pleasant, fuzzy sensation that melds the luxurious feel of a massage and the slight sting of pain into one altogether intense feeling. Feeling a little more deviant? Just press harder, baby.
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3. Spatula: Used for spanking. Your choice of body parts, of course, but we prefer the good old tits and ass. It's a well-known fact that a good spanking (on the ass) can easily rev anyone's motor, man or woman. That's because -- properly swatted -- the act of spanking stimulates the pudendal nerve which, in turn, stimulates the external genitalia of both sexes. Translation: Spanking is hot.
If you're in the mood to take your spanking up a notch, though, check out a cutting board or wooden spoon.
2. Chip clips: Who doesn't love to have their nipples pinched? Exactly. Plus, chip clips are much cheaper and more easily accessible than nipple clamps (not to mention more comfortable). They're even unisex. Keep these on tight during sex for that lovely comingling of pleasure and pain we mentioned earlier, or simply discard them after a little foreplay -- your call.
1. Spray nozzle: Used alone or with a partner, the spray nozzle on your kitchen sink -- if you're lucky enough to have one -- is used in exactly the same way as the removable showerhead in your bathroom. Don't act like you don't know what we're talking about. Just direct the stream where it feels best and enjoy. Sure, it's probably going to get messy, but can't the same be said of all good sex?