What Your Hot Dog Toppings Say About You

You know what they say. You can tell a lot about someone by what they put atop their hot dog. Okay, so maybe nobody actually says that. But we swear it's true!

Here's what your hot dog toppings say about you:

Just Ketchup: You're mom still does your laundry...and you don't mind one bit. What? She folds the like a boss and she never shrinks your deep vees.

Just Mustard: Let's just say you're not exactly a risk taker, but you know what you like and you stick with it. Even if it does mean you've been stood up by the same Tinder date three nights in a row.


Ketchup, Mustard, and Relish: You won "Most Friendly" in high school despite the fact that you had a mushroom cut. Even to this day, everybody still loves you. Because you're just chill, man. Ya know?

Coleslaw and/or Potato Salad: You defy authority...and you're a f*&%ing genius.

Spicy Mustard & 'Kraut: Old dependable, you appreciate the classics. You are the first person your friends call when they need a jump start and you wouldn't have it any other way.

Chili...With Beans: You're not from around here, are you?

Avocado, Sriracha-Mayo, & Tomato-Bacon Jam: You owned JNCO jeans in the 90s. Until they went out of style. Then you switched to ripped jeans and trucker hats. You've never been ahead of the game and probably still keep an open Myspace account...just in case.

Yellow Mustard, Chopped White Onions, Relish, Pickled Peppers, Dill Pickle, Tomato, and a Dash of Celery Salt: You're either from Chicago or are a real asshole. Maybe even both.

Chili, Cheese, & Chopped Onions: You have a stain on your shirt and about three days of stubble too many ..even if you are a female.

Chili, Cheese & Fritos: Loud and proud, you're the life of the party. Mostly because you had about 5 beers with your hot dog and you're screaming right now.

Kimchi & Bonito Flakes: You've always been wise beyond your years. But then the hipsters came along and ruined everything for you again, damnit. Either that or you are an actual hipster. The only way to tell is by whether or not you have dancing bonito flakes in your mustache.

Another Hot Dog: You do what you want. You live alone and spend most days in your underwear. That's not likely to change anytime soon.

Pickled Veggies & Bean Sprouts: You're probably eating a tofu dog and have fully convinced yourself that it's just as good. It's not.

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Brooke Viggiano is a contributing writer who is always looking to share Houston's coolest and tastiest happenings with the Houston Press readers.
Contact: Brooke Viggiano