By now I'm pretty accustomed to being shocked and/or horrified by the nutritional information I find on fast-food Web sites, but the Whataburger Monterey Melt really sent me over the edge -- and directly to the drive-thru window at my nearest Whataburger.

The new Monterey Melt is chock-full of the stuff you expect fast food to be chock-full of: calories (1130), fat (74 grams), carbs (58 grams) and cholesterol (170 mg). But you know what really knocked me off my chair? The sodium count -- 4050 milligrams of sodium! That feels like All the Sodium in the World, frankly, and it's contained in one single sandwich.

Naturally I had to try this thing, but I chickened out at the last minute and got the Junior version, which comes in at a "healthier" 620 calories, 42 grams fat, 95 mg cholesterol, 32 grams carbs and 3360 mg of sodium. I feel light as a feather!

Honestly, this thing is decadently and disgustingly delicious. Two juicy beef patties are covered in melted Monterey Jack and American cheeses, and then slathered with jalapeño ranch dressing; grilled peppers and onions add a smoky sweetness that offsets the bite from the jalapeños. I took bite after bite, my resolve to eat just half thrown out the window -- I killed the entire sandwich in just a few minutes while my dog looked at me with longing.

This is a hangover-killing burger of the highest order. It's a breakup burger that will make you forget your ex's first name, phone number and address. It's everything a fast-food burger should be -- so right, and so wrong. I highly recommend it.

• Burgers
• Fast Times