Whataburger Monterey Melt: Your Cardiologist Will Thank You

By now I'm pretty accustomed to being shocked and/or horrified by the nutritional information I find on fast-food Web sites, but the Whataburger Monterey Melt really sent me over the edge -- and directly to the drive-thru window at my nearest Whataburger.

The new Monterey Melt is chock-full of the stuff you expect fast food to be chock-full of: calories (1130), fat (74 grams), carbs (58 grams) and cholesterol (170 mg). But you know what really knocked me off my chair? The sodium count -- 4050 milligrams of sodium! That feels like All the Sodium in the World, frankly, and it's contained in one single sandwich.

Naturally I had to try this thing, but I chickened out at the last minute and got the Junior version, which comes in at a "healthier" 620 calories, 42 grams fat, 95 mg cholesterol, 32 grams carbs and 3360 mg of sodium. I feel light as a feather!

Honestly, this thing is decadently and disgustingly delicious. Two juicy beef patties are covered in melted Monterey Jack and American cheeses, and then slathered with jalapeño ranch dressing; grilled peppers and onions add a smoky sweetness that offsets the bite from the jalapeños. I took bite after bite, my resolve to eat just half thrown out the window -- I killed the entire sandwich in just a few minutes while my dog looked at me with longing.

This is a hangover-killing burger of the highest order. It's a breakup burger that will make you forget your ex's first name, phone number and address. It's everything a fast-food burger should be -- so right, and so wrong. I highly recommend it.

KEEP THE HOUSTON PRESS FREE... Since we started the Houston Press, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Houston, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Christina Uticone