The Reorient Express

Some churches are still trying to "cure" homosexuals. And some people are still lining up to trade in their sex life for eternal life.

Attention: Do you suffer from unwanted homosexuality? Do your urges violate Leviticus 18:22? Do you wake up in the middle of the night wishing you were straight?

Well, wish no more. Thanks to this not-so-exclusive offer from Exodus Ministries, you can eliminate the sin of same-sex attraction in as little as six months! Just look at what awaits you in the exciting world of heterosexuality:

Procreation.

A happy disposition without the expense of designer drugs.

No AIDS.

Plus, when you die, you won't go to hell!

Exodus has helped thousands of gays worldwide repair their sexual brokenness and find the comfort that comes only from walking in God's intended path.

Just listen to Christopher, 37, who loved his Exodus experience so much that he now volunteers to help others. Christopher, from southwest Houston, has been gay-free for years and loving it. He can hang out with dudes without wanting to kiss them. His religion prohibits premarital sex and he's never slept with a woman, but he knows that when the time comes, he'll really be into it.

"I haven't had a relationship yet, but the desire which at one point was so repugnant…is now a very pleasant option," he says. "If God were to provide me with a wife at the time that He sees fit…that would be a very wonderful part of life, I hope."

Wonderful, indeed. That's because, unlike gay sex, heterosexual sex involves love.

"When you look at it, heterosexual sex can bring forth life," Christopher says. "Your wife and you are intimate. The Bible says that you're one person, really…In my experience, with gay sex, it was always 'What can I get out of it?' It's about me, it's about my orgasm, my fix, my sexual high. The intimacy is nothing more than just the flesh…whereas heterosexual sex, it's more heart, more soul, more spirit."

Amen, Christopher!

No matter the reason for your homosexuality, be it the result of molestation, an overbearing mother or a disconnect with Dad, you can be made whole again.

What? You don't believe in the power of Exodus? Well, take a look at formerly gay Exodus president Alan Chambers. He's married and has a kid. His photo is part of Exodus's new multimillion dollar ad campaign, and he doesn't look gay at all.

Why not give Exodus a shot? Michael Newman has led an Exodus-affiliated ministry in Houston for 19 years. If he can't straighten you out, no one can.

What do you have to lose -- besides homosexuality?


From a full page ad in the Los Angeles Times, July 23, 2004:

A handsome, vaguely Matt Damon-looking man smiles below a bold-faced banner reading, "I Questioned Homosexuality." Then, in italics below: "And when I discovered a way out, I took it."

The man's name is Randy Thomas, and he used to be gay. He's now the spokesperson for Exodus's North American headquarters in Orlando.

He's one of the faces of the new Q&A campaign designed to revitalize Exodus's presence in mainstream media, as well as recover from the embarrassing public relations debacle of a former spokesman photographed walking out of a D.C. gay club called Mr. P's.

It's a soft sell, an ingenious campaign that doesn't cram hellfire and brimstone down anyone's throat. The slogan is "Change is possible. Discover how." Hardly anything to get riled up about.

Thomas is a particularly effective spokesperson, a guy who can flip the script and appear to make Exodus the victim of misunderstanding and intolerance.

"It's not our goal to make anybody do anything," Thomas says from Orlando. "We present our lives and our opinions and, you know, people will come and ask us for those things…We're here, this is our lives, if you are of like mind, we'd be glad to help you. If you're not of like mind, will you tolerate what you can't accept?"

Exodus formed in 1978, partly in response to Christian groups who were ordaining gay ministers and writing improbably titled books such as The Lord Is My Shepherd and He Knows I'm Gay.After a rocky start -- two male founders ditched their wives and ran off with each other -- Exodus ministries quietly popped up across the country.

The thesis is that homosexuality isn't the worst thing imaginable, but it's a sin, like adultery. And you can't live in sin and accept Christ's gift of eternal life. So therefore you've got to change -- but it's much easier to stop screwing around on your spouse. In that situation, you're not asked to reorient your sexual desire.

Of utmost importance to Exodus's approach is the lack of research showing whether homosexuality is a product of nature or nurture. The American Psychological and Psychiatric associations say there's not enough research pointing to one or the other.

In the case of men who seek help from Exodus, many say they were physically or sexually abused by other men at an early age. Many say they lacked a bond with their father, or with any other males. This need for male affirmation is eventually sexualized, and, in many cases, these men are wrapped up in a lifestyle they never wanted.

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