I cannot believe you're not on Pinterest!

I hear this all the time from friends who love the site, who collect recipes and nail polish designs and tattoo ideas for later use/inspiration.

But you love food! And fashion! And you write about them! I can't believe you don't even use it for work!"

I like Twitter. I mostly hate Facebook, but I stay on because I need to for work and it's a lot easier than remembering birthdays or e-mailing people individually. I read tons of fashion blogs, check my E! News app religiously, and I never miss Post Secret Sunday.

But no, I'm sorry, I really am, but it's not going to happen.

I am not going to join Pinterest.

It's a Time Suck

You know how there are foods you can't keep in the house because you'll eat it all in one sitting? (Mine include Nutella, tortilla chips, and yogurt covered raisins.) Pinterest is the online equivalent of that, only you never run out of Pinterest, so you have to exercise self-control to actually stop. Unlimited access to clothes to covet, make-up to test, and nail art to practice? I'd never cross another thing off of a "to-do" list. I'd end up huddled in a corner--hair greasy, laptop in my hand--endlessly surfing for throw pillows or nail art techniques.

I Can't Work Out That Much

Do I really need an endless parade of photos of tempting foods, complete with recipes at my fingertips? It's hard enough for me to eat healthy. A Pinterest account would inevitably lead to 3 a.m. cookie baking sessions, or a mid-day "break" to try my hand at Baked Alaska. At 36 years old, my metabolism could not keep up with a Pinterest account.

I Still Need to Eat

On one hand Pinterest would be murdering me with culinary temptations. On the other hand, I would be spending so much money--on ingredients, on fun new make-up, on That Awesome Hundred Dollar T-Shirt--that I would go so broke I couldn't even afford a candy bar. The combination of the Internet and a short attention span already conspire to distract me with online shopping, I don't need a website that will surely push me over the edge. As far as I'm concerned, I'm a Pinterest Anonymous case waiting to happen.