Best New Ordinance (2008)

West University Cell Phone Ban (Around West U. Elementary)

No one likes The Man telling them when they can and can't have groundbreaking intellectual discussions about genocide in Darfur or the subprime mortgage meltdown, which, face it, are the kinds of things most people talk about on their cells while driving. But here's one instance where The Man is looking out for The Children, and he's saying: "Hey, dumbass, I know how important it is for you to tell your dumbass friend about some dumbass thing you did last night, but let's put it on hold for the three blocks around the elementary school." Since most people can't even drive well in the first place, this seems perfectly sensible. But don't try telling AT&T that. A company spokesperson argued against the measure before the West University Place City Council put it to a vote. Which means, obviously, that AT&T wants to kill kids. At least in West U. But the rest of us probably don't, so let's all follow this rarest of beasts: a new ordinance that actually makes sense.


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