The August total eclipse was not the precursor to the end of the world, according to NASA. It was just the moon in front of the sun.EXPAND
The August total eclipse was not the precursor to the end of the world, according to NASA. It was just the moon in front of the sun.
Photo courtesy of NASA

Don't Worry, NASA Says — Armageddon Will Not Begin on Saturday

Some people are fairly possibly certain that the world is going to reach the beginning of the end this Saturday.

Why? Because of a four-minute video by the evangelical Christian publication Unsealed that is making the rounds. In the viral video, "September 23, 2017: You Need to See This," one David Meade claims the Rapture will start on Saturday, owing to a clutch of verses and numerical codes he claims he has found in the Bible, when the planet Nibiru smacks into Earth.

However, before y'all put that R.E.M. song on repeat and start stocking up on canned goods, bunker books and cuddly blankets you'll undoubtedly need for the end-of-the-world event, it might be helpful to consider the fact that the planet Nibiru does not exist.

Meade came up with his prediction based on evidence that's even less scientifically sound than Armageddon, the asteroid movie that was so scientifically incorrect that legend has it NASA officials have made employees watch it and note all the inaccuracies as a test, according to the Washington Post. Basically, Meade looked at the Bible, noting that Jesus lived for 33 years and that the Hebrew name for God, "Elohim," was mentioned 33 times in the Bible.

How does that make Saturday the end of the world? Well, Saturday marks 33 days since the total solar eclipse, which Meade counts as a portent of doom. From there, he says that based on the Book of Revelation, a woman "clothed with the sun, with the moon at her feet and a crown of 12 stars" will give birth to a boy who will "rule all the nations with an iron scepter" while a seven-headed dragon threatens her. Eventually, she'll be swallowed up by Earth and sprout the wings of an eagle, not necessarily in that order.

Mainstream Christians of many denominations have rebuked Meade's theories.

Somehow, Meade and others take the trippy, always-difficult-to-understand Book of Revelation and make an extra leap, applying the statement in the Bible to mean that the constellation Virgo will line up so that Jupiter passes out of Virgo, giving metaphorical birth to the planet.

There's still no explanation on how this movement summons Nibiru, the planet that is supposed to kick off the End Times by colliding with us, but that's either because of the mysterious workings of the heavens — or because using numerology to make sweeping astronomical predictions is really not the best way for anyone to spend his or her time.

For one thing, because this isn't the first time this crew has claimed that the previously undetected planet was coming for us. Earlier predictions said the End Times were supposed to commence in both May 2003 and December 2012, and yet the world has continued to spin.

But if even this hasn't soothed your nerves, take heart in the fact that NASA has already shot this armageddon theory down. NASA scientist David Morrison actually went through and categorically debunked and dismissed this apocalyptic theory years ago, advising people to just "get over it." Now it has been once again reiterated by NASA. The total eclipse was not a sign that the end of days was upon us — it was just the moon, sitting in front of the sun for a few minutes, allowing those in the path of totality to see something pretty friggin' cool.

And Saturday will be fine even if it isn't the end of the world. After all, it's still a Saturday.

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