Houston's got them. You know them. Here are the worst.

5. Yia Yia Mary's Greek Kitchen

Maybe it's for a lack of intelligence, but I'm always in a complete state of confusion when I pull into this parking lot. In a 20-yard radius, you can park at a bank, a restaurant, a garage, various businesses, or even a church. There is some parking on the side of the restaurant, but it's always full. This throws me off, and I end up turning into the Comerica Bank drive-thru. Completely embarrassed, I speed away while mumbling, "I didn't want to eat a fucking gyro anyway." This is the truth, just ask my wife.

4. Mi Sombrero

Mi Sombrero is a neighborhood place. I'm guessing many of you reading this have never heard of the restaurant. The food is very good. The parking lot--very bad. It's filled with loose gravel, crater-size potholes, and unmarked speed bumps that look like they've been beaten with a sledgehammer. I highly recommend Mi Sombrero, but please proceed with caution when entering this nightmare of a parking lot.

3. Vietnam Restaurant

The popular Heights restaurant is typically crowded on Friday evenings. The side parking is tight, but there's a semi-crappy extra lot in the back. That's not what lands this restaurant on list. It's those damn dips upon entry and exit--especially the exit. A newcomer could do a little damage to the front end of his vehicle if not paying attention. Take it slow, and you should be okay. On a side note, my last visit yielded disappointment in the culinary front. I'm hoping this was a bad night, because I've always enjoyed Vietnam Restaurant.

2. Big Woodrow's

Sometimes it's hard not to get personal. I'm about to get personal. Big Woodrow's lot isn't all that bad, but a large chunk of it is located behind the restaurant, and it's fairly dark back there. No big deal, until the night my shit got jacked from the car. One of my back windows got shattered and some books were stolen. Books! What is wrong with the world? Worst part--one of the power locks hasn't worked since. I hope it was a good read, you bastards.

1. Hobbit Café

Not putting the Hobbit Hole at No. 1 would have caused readers to start rioting in the streets. This parking lot represents the trifecta of fucked-up-ness. It's small, poorly maintained, and at the epicenter of several establishments. This is the Bernie Madoff of parking lots--screwing people over, with no end in sight. It's an odd combination of pavement, with scattered bricks throughout. Potholes are everywhere, and I've spent hours of my life trying to find a spot. Worst part--the Portsmouth Pothole. You know the one--the abyss as you're exiting the lot that could stop a military tank in its tracks.