Kabir Isola: Self-Professed Satan Uses Spatula to Attack Cop

When Beelzebub, The Teller of Lies, comes forward, he shall be wearing the mark of the beast and be carrying a barbecue spatula — Book of Revelations, possibly

Bible prophecy can tell us much, but it didn’t help out Lubbock police officer Bryan Schwartner Tuesday.

Schwartner answered a disturbance call that afternoon and encountered Kabir Isola, 20, says KCBD. Isola was ready for battle with a barbecue spatula — a serrated one, no less. (They take their barbecuing seriously in Lubbock.)

Things got serious, though — Isola tried to gouge the officer’s eyes out, choked him to the point of unconsciousness and tried to throw him off a fourth-floor balcony.

Another officer was able to jump in and control him. When asked, Isola had a perfectly reasonable explanation: He was the devil. Or, to be more precise, the devil was inside of him, and there’s apparently nothing the devil likes more than using a spatula on a cop.

Schwartner was taken to a hospital, treated for “multiple lacerations and contusions,” and released. Isola was also treated for some minor injuries and then booked for attempted capital murder.