As the Western Conference Finals opened Tuesday night in Oakland, a much greater story lay on Twitter. This story is stronger than our usual foray into “Best Rapper Tweets” of a particular sporting event. Oh no. For the first time ever, I made a direct connection with MC Hammer.
Hammer has had better times. His musical zenith was almost 25 years ago, when he was one of the faces of pop culture. He was last seen musically in this particular decade chasing “Jay Z” through the woods in one of his music videos. They “have” a beef, so to speak. The vast majority of Hammer’s tweets are signed with a black fist emoji, the kind of pound you gave your boys back in 1999. If he’s not discussing matters of the Lord, he’s also promoting his “We Got To Do Better” track. In other words, MC Hammer tweets like every other musician on Twitter; that is, if Twitter worked for Motorola 2-Way pagers.
He’s also been one of the more notable fans of the Golden State Warriors — it’s Hammer, E-40 and Too Short. The connections between Bay Area rap and Houston happen to be strong enough for a large gene pool to be reflected, but that’s beside the point. Somehow, MC Hammer versus Houston Rockets fans on Twitter has become the most interesting non-basketball aspect of these Western Conference Finals.
If there is a point of reference where all of this began, it was on May 15, minutes before the Clippers lost all modicum of a sliver of a heart in losing Game 6. Hammer, cheery and vibrant, immediately declared who he wanted to face in the WCF – the Clippers.
You see, there’s disrespect in throwing up a picture of Stephen Curry’s head superimposed on the body of 2Pac on what was arguably 2Pac at his most pissed off. Then you remember Steph Curry attempted to run up on Trevor Ariza earlier this year and looked like your little brother mad that you jabbed him in front of a girl he liked. And another slice of disrespect came with Hammer calling the Rockets “a shortcut.”
That single tweet sparked the fire between Hammer and Rockets fans and even dragged me into the mix, as if I needed to do the typewriter on a big piano in parachute pants. By Sunday, I had responded to Hammer in jest, almost sounding like a tough guy who’d just finished watching every action movie with cheesy one-liners ever.
Hammer responded. This wasn’t before Houston sports fanatic and even more fanatical rapper and producer George Young brought Hammer’s bankruptcy into question via one tweet and Hammer began mass-following Rockets fans for the sake of this upcoming series.
Hammer did however deliver the line of the war so far when he called out a Rockets fan for paying attention to him in the infamous “Pumps & a Bump” video as opposed to the 300 women who were on set.
He’s now referred to said Rockets fan as “Cinny” in a hilarious twist. The entire exchange, of course. went viral, making me realize that I’ve done nothing on Earth as criminally embarrassing as getting roasted by MC Hammer, of all people, via social media. All of it has set the stage for what is going to be the sixth most interesting matchup involving the Bay Area and Red Nation.
I’m also of the belief that when the Rockets beat the Warriors and advance to their first NBA Finals since 1995, somebody is going to put a Michael Jordan crying-face meme on Hammer’s head in the “Pumps & a Bump” video. Or the “2 Legit 2 Quit” video. Or “Can’t Touch This.” Face it, there is a much larger window of comeuppance for Hammer if the Warriors lose.
Or the reverse can happen, and Warriors fans will start desecrating UGK album covers with Jordan cry faces. Let us never face that possibility in life, OK?
Go Rockets Go.
This article appears in May 21-27, 2015.
