“No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe when the Legislature is in session.” — Former New York Secretary of State Gideon Tucker
Seeing as the Texas Lege is all set to convene for the 81st Regular Session, we at Hair Balls thought we’d take this opportunity to remind you that not everything that comes out of Austin is designed solely to bleed more money from your pockets and make your lives an unending,
poorly regulated hell.
5. Blood Simple (1984)
By pointing out the differences between Russia and Texas at the outset of their first movie, we can credit the Coen Brothers for at least temporarily staving off the mass migration of Californians to the Lone Star State.
4. Piranha (1978) Fine, it may have been shot in San Marcos, but this toothy horrorshow
from the great John Sayles and the pretty decent Joe Dante may be the
best of the Jaws ripoffs that came out in the late 1970s, which is a bit like calling
“strawberry kiwi” the best flavor or MD 20/20. Whatever the case, the
folks at Lone Star Beer aren’t likely to enjoy such ubiquitous product
placement ever again.
3. Dazed and Confused (1993)While there are plenty of
Texas-specific elements in Richard Linklater’s coming-of-age stoner
opus, impromptu keg parties in the woods and the crippling fear of
getting whaled on by seniors are pretty universal experiences for
American teenagers. And can you even imagine a world without Matthew
McConaughey?
2. The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) I like that
Sally (Marilyn Burns) was able to escape in the pickup, but in previous
viewings (and I haven’t seen this since the early 90s), I always
thought the truck driver got left behind. Now I see he just kept
boogeying down the highway when the truck stopped. Even if he hadn’t, I
suppose someone who’s just watched her friends eviscerated with a chain
saw/hung on a meathook/whomped with a sledge and had an old man drink
blood out of her finger can probably be forgiven for acting selfishly.
1. Office Space (1999)I didn’t know whether to laugh
or cry when I first saw this, seeing as how it so closely mirrored my
own cubicle-jockeying life (and the lead character even had the same
name as me!). Now that I’m on Easy Street thanks to my high-paying gig
as a blogger for the Houston Press,
I can fully appreciate Mike Judge’s masterpiece of modern workplace
satire, secure in the knowledge that it no longer bears any resemblance
to my life whatsoever.
*sob*
— Pete Vonder Haar
This article appears in Jan 8-14, 2009.
