Doctor Who

Doctor Who: I Think I Know the Doctor's Name (And A Bad Thing About The 50th Anniversary)

Be advised, this article was written with tongue very much in cheek.

Of course the big revelation from "The Name of the Doctor" was not the birth name of the Time Lord, or even that his name was really all that big a secret. No, the real mystery was that somewhere along The Doctor's timeline is an incarnation that renounced that name and committed horrible atrocities. Despite the caption, "Introducing John Hurt as the Doctor" at the end, it's unknown what he will really be called.

The current theory is that between the Eighth Doctor and the Ninth was the Hurt Doctor, and it was he that waged the Time War that destroyed the Time Lords and the Daleks. That's just conjecture, though. I've also seen theories that the Hurt Doctor actually predates the First Doctor, or that he is the modern series interpretation of The Valeyard (An evil possible future Doctor portrayed by Michael Jayston that attempted to execute the Sixth Doctor), or even that he is a mysterious character from the novel Lungbarrow called The Other who helped found Time Lord society in the distance past and later hurled himself through time to be reborn as The Doctor.

The point is that the name of The Doctor has no real power at all. The danger was that his name opened the door to his body in his tomb in the Tardis, possibly leading to the eradication of all his heroics and the revelation of the terrible Hurt Doctor. Which is sad, because I woke up the other day and realized I knew the Doctor's name... his terribly, terribly boring name.

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Jef Rouner is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner