As we told you last week, the acclaimed director John Waters (Pink Flamingos, Hairspray) is bringing his incredible one-man show to Houston. This Filthy World: Filthier and Dirtier promises to be an evening of shocking hilarity delivered by Waters’s trademark foppish humor. Those of you who may have caught This Filthy World on Netflix will be pleased to know that the show Waters will be doing is 95 percent new, full of updated musings on religion, politics, film, art and what we’re sure is a legion of newly discovered depravities and perversions.

Unfortunately, only a select few Houstonians will get to witness this DiverseWorks performance because its space seats only 97 people and because the event is a fundraiser for DiverseWorks. Tickets range from $250 all the way up to $5,000. Lucky for you, there are two tickets up for grabs for free.

“A very generous DiverseWorks supporter has donated two tickets (a $500 value) to This Filthy World: Filthier and Dirtier and given you a chance to claim them!” said Shawna Forney of DiverseWorks via e-mail.

If you’re interested, all you have to do is post a video explaining why you deserve the chance to rub shoulders with the Pope of Trash to the DiverseWorks Facebook page. Videos should not exceed 90 seconds/text no more than 150 words, and must meet Facebook decency standards. We know the idea of living up to Facebook’s idea of acceptable content may be hard for the average John Waters fan, but participants are encouraged to follow the path laid out by the master himself and embrace the art of the innuendo and the double entendre.

Here’s a helpful list of Waters-based do’s and don’t’s.

DO: Lick a banister
DON’T: Eat a dog turd
DO: Get a tattoo of your favorite director
DON’T: Set your hair on fire
DO: Explain your case using a Virgin Mary puppet
DON’T: Explain your case with a picture of a lesbian’s pubic hair

Deadline for entries is Monday, March 12 (today), at midnight. Winners will be selected by an esteemed jury of Waters scholars and announced on Facebook on March 13.

Grand Prize: 2 tickets to This Filthy World: Filthier and Dirtier performance and cocktail reception with John Waters

Second Prize: Autographed copy of This Filthy World DVD

Third Prize: Autographed copy of Role Models by John Waters

This article appears in Mar 8-14, 2012.

Jef Rouner (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.