Random Ephemera

Krampus Haunted House Brings a Nightmare Before Christmas

Krampus Picture provided by 13th Floor Haunted House
By December, most of the haunted houses in and around Houston are all tucked in to rest before the next Halloween season rolls around. Not 13th Floor Haunted House. For one weekend only, they’ll be hosting Krampus: A Haunted Christmas for those of us who want less gingerbread and more OH MY GOD! GINGER’S DEAD!

I’m really sorry about that joke.

For those of you who don’t haunt the low-budget horror section on Amazon or don’t have weird Austrian relatives with bizarre senses of humor, Krampus is a spirit of Christmas. Unlike Santa Claus, his job is to find the bad children and pop them into his sack. Other variations have the horned monster just handing out the coal and bundles of sticks to naughty kids. Sometimes he accompanies Father Christmas on his rounds, and sometimes he goes out himself on December 5 (Krampusnacht). The latter is often celebrated with pub crawls in Houston, as Krampus is supposed to be quite fond of liquor.

Regardless, the demonic-looking entity has become a popular Christmas monster for movies, comics, and short stories (including one by yours truly). No wonder 13th Floor Haunted House wants to put him front and center.

click to enlarge Evil elves - PHOTO PROVIDED BY 13TH FLOOR HAUNTED HOUSE
Evil elves
Photo provided by 13th Floor Haunted House
“We take the haunted house, deck it out with Christmas decorations,” says Digital Marketing & Analytics Manager Zachary Douglass. “Krampus is there to snatch up the bad girls and boys. Around this country this has been one of our most popular events. This is our first year in Houston and the response has been great.”

Douglass says that the trip through the winter wonderland version of their indoor haunted house takes slightly less than half an hour, and in addition to Krampus also features demonic elves and other holiday surprises. With Hallmark movies blaring everywhere you go, reminding us that what is important is family, it’s nice to re-prioritize the blessedness of running for your life from monsters that haunt the snowy wastes.

Now that 13th Floor has settled in Houston, they plan to be more than a one-off attraction. According to Douglass, this inaugural event will be the first chapter in a multi-year Krampus saga that will tell an ongoing story. Similar events are planned for Valentine’s Day and other points throughout the year, so that the company can keep the Halloween spirit going all year round. Peace on Earth is no reason to let the scares stop.

In addition to the haunted attraction, 13th Floor also features ax throwing, a bar, and mini-escape room attractions. It’s better than watching A Christmas Story for the 50th time.

Krampus: A Haunted Christmas
Friday, December 13 and Saturday, December 14, opens at 7 p.m.
7075 FM 1960 West, Suite 20
$24.95. 13thFloorHouston.com
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Jef Rouner is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
Contact: Jef Rouner